Saturday, April 11, 2009

From Subang to Adelaide

Listening to - Jason Wade You Belong To Me

In about 3 months, I'll be separated with Daren. He could only make it to the last year, but since I'm back then he would probably revise everything.

Watching Marley & Me just now didn't help, of course it worsen my situation. I can't find a reason to be excited eventhough I should like everyone else, since it's a new place, new friends. But to me, home is where my heart is and clearly it follows wherever he goes.

When I was walking alone to Section 14 to buy some food just now, I almost cried remembering all the good memories we've shared. The wonderful things he has done for me, the beautiful things he has said to me it's the kind of pain that I know will reopen once I'm there all to myself. I cannot describe that boy's contribution to my growth. He has his remarkable ways in handling life, and I've always looked up at him for being the sweetest person any girl could have ever met.

I've done long distance before, and none of them has ever worked, while he, hasn't been in any.

Am I scared of infidelity and dishonesty? No. Not one bit, I trust him enough to not feel so insecure about myself, and he trusts me enough. Frankly, I am more worried of facing problems and struggles alone. When I was single, everything seemed possible, I didn't need a best friend neither did I need anyone to talk to, but with him... he humanised me in more ways than just this. He gave me reasons to cry, to laugh, to feel pain with hopes there are tomorrow. He kisses my forehead when I'm stressed, he massages me when I have cramps, and he sends me to college when I'm fatigue, eventhough it's completely out of his way and he is exhausted himself.

He made me communicate to people I thought I would never in my life. He made me love animals, simply because he loves them. He made me think work as work, and not a narcissist's achievement. He made me appreciate friends the way they are, and he made me love myself like never before. He gave everyone his infectious smile, no wonder so many kinds of people loves him.

How do I do this when I'm alone? Where will his voice be, telling me what's to rush and what's not to? What if I'm stressed, I would leave everything behind, how would he tell me not to? What if I gave up on him because I wasn't thinking straight, how would he convince it's just my hormones, and hug me out after that? Oh dear Lord, how.

Writing this makes me disgusted at myself, looking at the words I've chosen with such shame. I am worried about myself too much, about my life without him. But what about that beautiful boy who I stole his youth, his lifestyle, his friends from? He confesses of seeing his future with me, growing older, still able to make me laugh like he always do, carving wrkinles on all the right places, but he never, ever wants to see the part where we'll separate.

Where we have to live without each other physically, without each other's warm hugs, kisses and caresses. Without each other's words of encouragement, without each other's jokes, without each other's heart.

We've talked about this. Every single day. It wasn't part of the plan, but we've decided to stick to each other through thick and thin. We've come this far, and we've loved each other that nothing else matters.

I know it's too soon, but bring me roses and Hakka Mee when I'm done with this.

Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

10 comments:

ItoMaki said...

Aw babe, I know you'll miss him lots, and I can't say I'll know how you feel, but I believe if you've managed to make it so far on your own, up to the time before you met him, when you just came to KL, when you were single, you can definitely make it through this. You'll feel lonely and i know you'll feel like something's missing, but this will just bring you closer together. You're a strong independent girl, you'll be fine. ^^ There will be nights when you will end up crying over how much you miss him (witnessed it with Denise), but I believe after a while, you'll learn ways to make yourself feel better and at the same time, still be able to keep in contact with him every day. (I warn you first, there will be a period of time where you won't be able to Skype with him or go online and chat with him, because you need to get Internet set up). We'll be here when you need help Jacqkie, we may not be able to give you the same love and support as Daren will give you, but we can try.

You're probably thinking "What do you know?", but I try lol.

Jacqkie! said...

Audrey: oh my God dear Audrey, thank you so much for the reassurance of love and care I will get. Yes, I know it won't be the same but trust me it will help me :) I just needed to be with people who care for me enough to help me get through this. I pray that he and I will get over this and we'll be stronger than ever.

Thanks sweetheart. You know I love you!

Lydia said...

i can't say anything else.... i know it sucks. i hated it :S

but i can give u a *hug*

and you will get through it :) it's worth it in the end.

Jacqkie! said...

Lydia: thanks babe. *hugs* back. I'll be waiting for him no matter what, because it will be worth it yea? :)

STEPHIE said...

i understand...d hardest part is whn d tym cmes to let go uda (x breakup i mean ah)...
if u rili nid mre understndng bout dis long dstance thngy, im here 4 ya...

Jacqkie! said...

Stephie: thanks babe. I'll learn everything from you!

Daryl said...

Awwh...that's very touching....i guess it's safe to say that "Love makes the heart grow fonder..." and that "Love makes us do unexpected things...."....Aaargh!! and i'm still single.....Oh well...."Good things comes to those who wait..."

Jacqkie! said...

Daryl: hehehehe don't worry about being single lah :) Good things really come to those who wait!

Anonymous said...

hey jackqie...trust me i know how you feel..cz would face the same LD relationship also...
just the difference is that im staying here (m'sia) and derrick is leaving...haha...
so we are definitely in a same situation....
but just be strong girl,.. it's just about 4 months to go, then u and darren will meet again..

-fina-

Jacqkie Rowena said...

Fina: thank you so much fina. Appreciate your help. I hope four months isn't that long. And I'm definitely going to wait for him :) Thanks for your advice :) XOXO