Listening to - Jason Wade You Belong To Me
In about 3 months, I'll be separated with Daren. He could only make it to the last year, but since I'm back then he would probably revise everything.
Watching Marley & Me just now didn't help, of course it worsen my situation. I can't find a reason to be excited eventhough I should like everyone else, since it's a new place, new friends. But to me, home is where my heart is and clearly it follows wherever he goes.
When I was walking alone to Section 14 to buy some food just now, I almost cried remembering all the good memories we've shared. The wonderful things he has done for me, the beautiful things he has said to me it's the kind of pain that I know will reopen once I'm there all to myself. I cannot describe that boy's contribution to my growth. He has his remarkable ways in handling life, and I've always looked up at him for being the sweetest person any girl could have ever met.
I've done long distance before, and none of them has ever worked, while he, hasn't been in any.
Am I scared of infidelity and dishonesty? No. Not one bit, I trust him enough to not feel so insecure about myself, and he trusts me enough. Frankly, I am more worried of facing problems and struggles alone. When I was single, everything seemed possible, I didn't need a best friend neither did I need anyone to talk to, but with him... he humanised me in more ways than just this. He gave me reasons to cry, to laugh, to feel pain with hopes there are tomorrow. He kisses my forehead when I'm stressed, he massages me when I have cramps, and he sends me to college when I'm fatigue, eventhough it's completely out of his way and he is exhausted himself.
He made me communicate to people I thought I would never in my life. He made me love animals, simply because he loves them. He made me think work as work, and not a narcissist's achievement. He made me appreciate friends the way they are, and he made me love myself like never before. He gave everyone his infectious smile, no wonder so many kinds of people loves him.
How do I do this when I'm alone? Where will his voice be, telling me what's to rush and what's not to? What if I'm stressed, I would leave everything behind, how would he tell me not to? What if I gave up on him because I wasn't thinking straight, how would he convince it's just my hormones, and hug me out after that? Oh dear Lord, how.
Writing this makes me disgusted at myself, looking at the words I've chosen with such shame. I am worried about myself too much, about my life without him. But what about that beautiful boy who I stole his youth, his lifestyle, his friends from? He confesses of seeing his future with me, growing older, still able to make me laugh like he always do, carving wrkinles on all the right places, but he never, ever wants to see the part where we'll separate.
Where we have to live without each other physically, without each other's warm hugs, kisses and caresses. Without each other's words of encouragement, without each other's jokes, without each other's heart.
We've talked about this. Every single day. It wasn't part of the plan, but we've decided to stick to each other through thick and thin. We've come this far, and we've loved each other that nothing else matters.
I know it's too soon, but bring me roses and Hakka Mee when I'm done with this.
Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.
In about 3 months, I'll be separated with Daren. He could only make it to the last year, but since I'm back then he would probably revise everything.
Watching Marley & Me just now didn't help, of course it worsen my situation. I can't find a reason to be excited eventhough I should like everyone else, since it's a new place, new friends. But to me, home is where my heart is and clearly it follows wherever he goes.
When I was walking alone to Section 14 to buy some food just now, I almost cried remembering all the good memories we've shared. The wonderful things he has done for me, the beautiful things he has said to me it's the kind of pain that I know will reopen once I'm there all to myself. I cannot describe that boy's contribution to my growth. He has his remarkable ways in handling life, and I've always looked up at him for being the sweetest person any girl could have ever met.
I've done long distance before, and none of them has ever worked, while he, hasn't been in any.
Am I scared of infidelity and dishonesty? No. Not one bit, I trust him enough to not feel so insecure about myself, and he trusts me enough. Frankly, I am more worried of facing problems and struggles alone. When I was single, everything seemed possible, I didn't need a best friend neither did I need anyone to talk to, but with him... he humanised me in more ways than just this. He gave me reasons to cry, to laugh, to feel pain with hopes there are tomorrow. He kisses my forehead when I'm stressed, he massages me when I have cramps, and he sends me to college when I'm fatigue, eventhough it's completely out of his way and he is exhausted himself.
He made me communicate to people I thought I would never in my life. He made me love animals, simply because he loves them. He made me think work as work, and not a narcissist's achievement. He made me appreciate friends the way they are, and he made me love myself like never before. He gave everyone his infectious smile, no wonder so many kinds of people loves him.
How do I do this when I'm alone? Where will his voice be, telling me what's to rush and what's not to? What if I'm stressed, I would leave everything behind, how would he tell me not to? What if I gave up on him because I wasn't thinking straight, how would he convince it's just my hormones, and hug me out after that? Oh dear Lord, how.
Writing this makes me disgusted at myself, looking at the words I've chosen with such shame. I am worried about myself too much, about my life without him. But what about that beautiful boy who I stole his youth, his lifestyle, his friends from? He confesses of seeing his future with me, growing older, still able to make me laugh like he always do, carving wrkinles on all the right places, but he never, ever wants to see the part where we'll separate.
Where we have to live without each other physically, without each other's warm hugs, kisses and caresses. Without each other's words of encouragement, without each other's jokes, without each other's heart.
We've talked about this. Every single day. It wasn't part of the plan, but we've decided to stick to each other through thick and thin. We've come this far, and we've loved each other that nothing else matters.
I know it's too soon, but bring me roses and Hakka Mee when I'm done with this.
Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.
Comments
You're probably thinking "What do you know?", but I try lol.
Thanks sweetheart. You know I love you!
but i can give u a *hug*
and you will get through it :) it's worth it in the end.
if u rili nid mre understndng bout dis long dstance thngy, im here 4 ya...
just the difference is that im staying here (m'sia) and derrick is leaving...haha...
so we are definitely in a same situation....
but just be strong girl,.. it's just about 4 months to go, then u and darren will meet again..
-fina-