These past few weeks have been stressful. From work, to life, to health. *sigh*
It's funny how one person can be in the same age as yours, but a million miles away different from your thinking. I just realized what differentiates people is the conscience, not what's spoken, or so thought was spoke of or even the age.
A 19 year old like me shouldn't be thinking about life this way, in fact I should just not look at life in general, and just walk blindly on the road with no expectations. It really is always better that way. Less hassle, less complicated. and definitely spontaneous.
But, I've thought long and hard about life. About how I wish it wouldn't be so complicated. How I wish I could have just grown like any other 19year olds, just give me their way of thinking, and just blardy freaking make me one of them, but... I guess I never will.
I wish decisions were just based on a yes and a no. Or how things should go that way or the other way round. Or how people can only come up with few conclusions instead of so many ways, and translated it in billions of angles.
Dont you ever get tired of being positive all the time, too? Life can be so tiring.
I'm Stupid. Distracted. Stressed. Confused. Worried. Wondering. Nervous. Uncertain. It made me not realized I'm all these because being Loved blinded me, and for sure everyone too. It's always easier to have something less complicated or something less serious,
but what would life mean if that were to happen?
That can never happen to me. I'm one emotional slat, who cant seem to detach myself from these little little feelings of love, kindness, patience and of other things that built me and people I love. I grabbed hold on to the things that I treasure that it scare me sometimes, the thought of losing it or maybe not being appreciated of what I've done, again.
Imperfections secretly intimidate us. Yet, real people handled it without guns and tanks, with just the power of presence and love of their loved ones, men and women grow from who they were. How brutally unfair, how flaws were managed and loved so impossibly easy for some people and ridiculously hard for some.
Natasha Bedingfield's Soulmate got me twirling like a little girl in love with her imaginary Prince Charming. How one day, one man can make all the lyrics in the love songs seemed relevant to the little girl. That it takes only one person to teach what life is. and what love should be.
Just one man, a girl would ask for. One whole man, sweets :)
"Most relationships, seemed transitory,
They're good, but not the permanent one...
Who doesn't long for someone to hold?,
Who knows how to love you, without being told"