Friday, November 02, 2007

If you really want to know

(very very personal)

I have a presentation that gloomy Monday morning. I was half awake when I reach college and all I wanted to do when I entered the class was to present my work and go back home and sleep in. Me and some of my friends were introduced to him personally that noon. I reached home hardly remembering anything that happened that day, and passed out on my bed till 9pm. I was that tired and my life was that boring.

That was the core element of yesterday's "affair". I’d say saying ‘yes’ yesterday was the deadliest stunt in the past two years of my solitary days, knowing the fact that the other gender rarely gets my attention or, affection.

I know I owe you and even myself a long explanation. It felt just yesterday I messaged him about my Sabah trip and right now I’m already his other half. I admit on having the occasional Tom, Dick and Harry messaging me for dates and chats, but he made me entertain him in ways that I knew, he’s somewhat special.

We're closer than you think we are. We don't show it to the world what we’ve shared with each other or even what we've known about each other by the day; it was really less dramatic, less tense to keep things to ourselves and peaceful, I'd say. Even when we're together in a big group, I guess only we know how things are exactly with us and not anyone else- and this was even when we're not together yet.

I like him by the minute and it made me realize he erased my occasional crushes from my mind slowly just by looking for me every single day since the first time he messaged me. He notices things of me that I didn’t realize myself, or even sees through me, although we were evidently separated by technology at most time.

And the 7th floor incident which I can relive in my head and laugh hysterically when I think about it over and over again, catalyzed what we had.

The trickiest part of this would be publicly announcing it to best friends, close friends, family or even strangers that walk past by us every day in college. Honestly, I was really scared to tell even a single soul. It felt so much better if things were to be kept to ourselves; unfortunately, these things are not as easy as that.

I was too afraid to be judged by my close friends or even talked-about behind my back by close acquaintances about how fast things happened. I was too worried that my circle of friends would be disappointed by my decision. I was too shy to explain how he got me. I was just, too scared to know that all of you reading now could be shaking your head in disbelief and expect the worst case scenario would happen to me since almost all of you knew about my past relationships stories and yes, it's entirely my fault to be with them as the obviousness of them hurting me was like "The Donkey on the Sand".

I told him that if you’ve found everything you’ve been looking for in a girl, it doesn’t take weeks or months to fall mercilessly over her. It could even take a minute to realize that she’s your dream girl. Better if she’s (me in this case, Ahem) single! *winks*

So "liking him very much" won’t give me assurance he’s an excellent listener, someone who’ll be there through thick and thin or even will still be with me when a part of my body is amputated or something, but it is a lead to a relationship that I will soon know, I will either grow to love or hate of who he is.

Like I said in my previous post, it’s entirely my call. I know what I’m doing and all I’m asking for, is just for you, yes you, who’s reading this, to be there and hold my hand tight, hug me or do whatever it takes to console me if shit ever happens may it be in the near future or in a long run instead- of judging our actions and decisions at this time around.

Oh and DYD, thanks for appearing in my life. Thanks for making me laugh and happy these past few weeks, thanks for making me smile, thanks for making me blush inside and out again, thanks for noticing my teeth (Hahaha!), or the way i walk in Media Hub, or sweaty me during MassCollympics, thanks for taking the effort to add me in MSN and then my number and talk to me every single night without fail ever since, thanks for pestering me these past few weeks, thanks for showing me the part of you- I would never guess you have, thanks for being from just the guy in college to my close friend, thanks for being the humble guy whose looking for that humble girl and last but not least thanks for putting up with me.

I know it's been three weeks and time will tell whether you're a mistake or something beautiful.

Love,
Jacqkie.

7 comments:

mich T said...

omg! congrats jackie! who's d lucky guy?nyehehe

Jacqkie! said...

WOW. CEPATNYA SOMEONE COMMENT. :S err, will tell you later! :D

Beth said...

My dearest Jacqkie,

It was last Friday, I was on my way to Baker's Cottage, the one near TCSJ, and I bumped into your man.

And I can't explain it, I just knew. I mean I just knew. We said hi-s and all and he said Jacqkie's in exams and I swear to God I just knew.

And then when I messaged you, you asked me that I knew what happened?
Well it's just one of those freaky feelings you get, you know, I can't explain it.

AND IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

And yes dear, I will be there for you if ever you need me, a bitchin' partner, an insufferable gossip, a friend, you name it, I'm here.

Lots of Love,
Beth
XOXOXOXOXXX

Jacqkie! said...

Beth: Wow. It's amazing how you can just know. :) and Babe, saying that you'll be there is all I need to know. Endless Thanks. Really. :)

ashleighhhh said...

hey i knew something was going on...!!

haha,we are all entitled to live our lives to the fullest. during which, taking risks and making mistakes will be inevitable. if you dont take the plunge, you'll never know what you might be missing, although it may be wrong turn, but hey, the important thing is you tried. regardless of how things will turn out in time, you will learn, you will benefit somehow. besides, i have a good feeling about this so all good luck xP i'm happy for you =)


ash

Jacqkie! said...

Ashleigh: Thanks dahling, I think I've made the right decision. :)
Weeee!

sweei said...

Yeay! this is great news man! and yeah, i totally agree with ash, if you don't take the plunge you will never know what you might be missing. Hehe, enjoy this precious moment you guys have. I know you dolah, your smile gets bigger and bigger each day. I can see that you're smiling on the inside and not just out. I wish you guys all the best! If anything, I can be your shoulder to lean on, talk to me and i'll listen intently. Listen to your joy, confusion, and sadness.

*sings the moffats song*
I'll be there for you,
When you need somebody,
I'll be there for you,
When you want someone who cares,
When you're down and feeling blue,
I'll be there, I'll be there for youuuu...