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yeah!

I am very proud of myself today!

I can be the very naughty, super-noisy and wacky girl at times, but only when i'm with my family and my really darling girlfriends and lovey guyfriends, then i can act that way. I dont know why. I guess it's a norm for everyone to be shy when they're with strangers but strangely enough, i have completely change into an introvert once i started college!

A darling friend of mine invited me to this group meeting since last year. Somehow, i have never had the guts to go to the meetings. I have self-esteem problems at times and i depend too much on my close friends to intro me, which is yeah very sad to the point that i would tail-gaiting my friend all the time. *bite lips* It took me one year to be exact to finally convince myself go to this gathering.

I have always been a shy-simple girl since high school. My friends would be the one out there doing all the crazy stunts and i would be the one stopping them to do it and sometimes i would be the party pooper bercause i'm the angel in the group. sometimes i would follow and sometimes i started the wacko ideas but most of the times i would just follow my really naughty friends. *okay-okay too many times here* but i was surprised myself when i realized that i have become a complete 95% total introvert-geeko-nerdo when i entered college. it's not bad, it's just strange. I dont know why!?!! It could be the fact that i dislike the fast-pace environment here and it's just not home. You know? And sometimes, i noticed that when boys talk to me i dont have to do nothing much, somehow, with girls are the ones that i have trouble getting conversation bubbling.

That good friend of mine invited me today again. And i decided to slap my face real hard (not literally) and told myself if i ever want to change my sucky attitude, this is the time....to start, ehe! *actually because i'm leaving kk on the 21st so i better get it done with*. naah, i mean seriously i saw an opportunity. I tried telling myself if i dont enjoy whatever i'll be doing tonite then thats it! thats just it! I'm a sucker when it comes to socializing with new and different people. I will be single forever, working as a PR in a small restaurant company in PJ and have Kicik as my pet-cat. Soon, Kicik will get pregnant too, which leaves me, alone, again. and again.

Ironically, i do stunningly well in my presentations, public speakings, forums, debates and even Public Relations but a complete LOSER when it comes to one-on-one socializing a.k.a meet new people. sometimes i do great! i tell you, they even have to stop me from talking at times, but sometimes.. man how i just wish i had a twin that can follow me around all the time that would fill me up when there's awkward silences. *BOO jacqkie*

So i replied my friend; I WILL COME TODAY. *not in caps of course-looks macam orang tua bah kan* and that time it was as if there's this background voice ; *halllellluiaaa-halllellluia!!*

She was ecstatic and told me she would take me to dinner to get to know me more. I agreed and we had a fun time getting to know each other. The best part was, i didnt felt awkward at all. It's as if i was already telling myself to prepare a clown-mask just in case there's that awkward silence, maybe i could put the mask and entertain her and save us from awkwardness, *tadaa* guess what? I dont need it! *pura-pura excited lar for meeeee* haha. There were awkward silences but it felt normal.

I felt awesome. I met new people. I made new friends. I enjoyed myself, socializing freely without asking any booze's help. It was seriously honestly nice. I'm so freaking proud of myself. and that friend of mine wasnt anywhere near me! *smiles*

I remembered making friends with Patricia, Joesephine, Roosevelt, Antonio, Gabriel, Mark, Ivan, Cecilia, Lina (i think) and Shirley and all those people i dont remember their names. I had fun you guys! :)

you wanna know a secret? i kinda feel like i'm a 5-year old kindergarten girl who just got back from school and telling mummy how school was and how many friends i made today. and guess what, i feel nice. screw you people out there who can make friends just by closing your eyes and blab gibberish words and everyone will laugh at your "joke", i made a progress from my introvertnesss. my mum would have loved to hear me talking about it.

I want to be made. nah, i'm just kidding. There's a reason i have this character in me. So that i wont go topless when i'm drunk. I'm also very quiet when i'm drunk do you know that. some people laugh BY themselves, some talk foreign language and some spill secrets. Me? I go mute. walauweh, isnt that cool or what?

Love,
Jacqkie.
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Comments

-bba- said…
Girl, not introvert lah... EXTROVERT.. introvert yang time you shy-shy...now you EXTROVERT...terbalik oledi...
10:14 PM
Jacqkie Rowena said…
yea yea yea. i meant introvert, shy-shy one. read carefully o. o.O
10:33 PM
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