Start 2.0


A couple of years ago, if you would say I’d be out there trying to understand the other half of the population and whatever their… (to say the least) intentions are but in general what “THEY ARE”, girl I’d be rolling on the floor laughing at you while eating my bread in my sweatshirt with my cats eating off of me.

Because truth is.
I would never see it coming.
And truly, genuinely, I NEVER CARED 💤💤💤

Today, I am laughing at all the things I’m learning in this department of my life, EVERY SINGLE THING. A couple of years ago when I found myself back to square one after a relatively long one, with its twirls and forth, among the first thing I did was, bought a cat cage.

YES, A CAT CAGE.

This post is about one “modern” woman’s topsy turvy and hilarious outlook in this part of her life, okay – (going back to first person’s point of view), about MY I don’t even want to say it… but yes DATING life. I went straight into a serious one after high school so my entire young adult was zapped, condensed and summarized into the only few things I know about this department, and stories from friends and social media (mixed feelings about learning from here) are the closest I’ve ever learned ANYTHING from about it

I've had to keep up with the vocabulary, tricks and trends in today's world throughout the past 7 - 8 years I've been conveniently ignoring. This modern, visual perfection obsessed, smartphone addicts, seeking instant gratification and rejection new world I'm just about to put my feet (back) in. 

Can I just go back to bed already......😧😧😧😧

Fundamentals

Every night these couple of years I’d drag myself home from work, and be welcomed by my cats saved and nurtured – eat dinner – and go straight to my room streaming TV series I’m never even bothered to pay or complete. I wanted to pass some time, and enjoyed every, damn second there is that I could do anything with my nights. Desserts before dinner? Sleep at 3am? Cats around my bed?

HELL YEAH.






Look let me get this clear, I wasn't SAD nor was I dwindling into anything of a black hole, I just REALLY LIKE HANGING OUT BY MYSELF.

Every smell and ruffle of freedom I experienced GETS SO MUCH BETTER BY DAY. And every single time I hear horror couple stories or see one myself, I'd take a cup of popcorn and eyeball by the side.



Intervention

By the times I started choosing hanging out with my cats over social night gatherings, started tagging everyone on cat videos, started playing Facebook Quiz Games on “Who’d be my Plan B” and was conveniently paired with my BFF guy friend who’s only into men… my friends knew that they had to "do something". There were many forms, from ignoring my cat talk to straight up introducing me to many “new people”.

Had they not do anything, they thought I’d be melted and sucked into the abyss of my own bed surrounded by my cats. Many negotiations have failed but from the few that I agreed – I was surprised, at how SURPRISED I would enjoy it. 

My uncles and aunties' joke about going out and meeting new people became from painful to simply numbing.

At one point I got so upright about it and be like - 

Look people don't even like each other.
Look people are not even loyal to each other.
Look people just somehow got into it.
Look I’m not (even) looking. 
Look I don't need to split my money this way. 
Look everyone's on the phone. 
Look I have no money. 
Look I'm bored, but not that bored. 
Look I love my cats more.
Look I’m busy.

Look I love sleep more. 

All these were truths that I truly believed in that were no longer sugar coated, and were little things that make up a big situation of never putting myself out of even wanting to meet anyone. Nevermind, someone, just anyone for that matter. 

I was at the highest point of my social life, where I was meeting different people every day, in and out, but have never or have only put so little of value in these interactions.

Like, going to the gym without keeping track.
Like, going to a party without talking to people.




Start

The start of some sort of call for action was when I was supposed to attend a friend's wedding and everyone brought a date. Just like any normal day, I'd invite mum because really, she's the coolest. Except she was 61 and may have lost relevance in conversations with my late 20 something mid 30s something year olds' friends around the table.

So because I love her so much, I told her I'd invite someone else, doing her the favour of being put in a place where she would feel being out of place.

By then I started scrambling to figure out who to invite. Let's just say apps were downloaded, and I started listing friends (I know I'm terrible).

Who's in KK?
Who'd like free food? 
Who'd like to dress up a little bit? 
Who'd be cool with my other friends? 
Who am I comfortable with? 
Who makes me laugh? 
Who's my age?!??

The list fell shorter by the time I started asking around - not in town - someone else's wedding - don't want to go.

DAMN.
Getting a date was not EASY. I AM SO PICKY TOO.
😒😒😒😒

And by the 11th hour, my true love decided yes to me and ended my misery.

My best friend Ingrid said yes in joining me!! I was so happy because she ticked all of the boxes of my questions of a perfect date.

But throughout the process, there were many things I had to learn from;

1) My family and friends cannot be there throughout the entire time.
- Ingrid is married and had to ask the husband that she'd accompany me -_-

2) My family and friends (well maybe some can) cannot be my date all the time.
- Everyone else have got plans, seriously. 

3) I need to stop inviting my mum to everything.
- Some things are NOT for mums. 

4) Sister too, although I love her.
- Well, she's cool. But you know what I mean. 

5) Just feels I'm too lazy to try anything new.
- AMEN. 




At that point, I felt I am / have become too complacent with my life.
I wasn't trying anything new. 
I wasn't meeting anyone new.
I wasn't appreciating all these networks, and connections I've been making the past few years. And really putting a value and weight in all of them.

And God forbid all these and more, in the best age of my life!!



Start 2.0 

So I'm going to re-brand/ re-start myself.

I really think I am a slowpoke, but my friend Jasmine brought to light that I wasn't, and rather was building it up. I was dealing with myself first, and then the many things later. I know timing isn't something to be worked on, but I somehow was working on it.

Writing it down because this is what I do best.

My best friends from all over the world whom I have no problem sharing my sentiments with have been continuously giving me all kinds of insights. From being myself to upgrading to be the best version of me. To learning to embrace and accept the weird world that is today. And to not let my unique self fit into the mass mold of the world. That time will show its awesome way.

And last but not least, to enjoy life.


GUYS, IT'S A FKING JUNGLE OF A NIGHTMARE OUT THERE. 


But I somehow gotta go through it........................


Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

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