My vulnerability issue

Last week I asked a very important favor from the closest people in my life: to not look for their friends during good times, only - but also during the most confusing, darkest times of their lives.

I have never been vulnerable to anyone, I have never let anyone 'see' me. And the best part of it all, there is a template of answers when someone asks me how I am, usually, "Great!" or "I'm good!" or simply "I'm okay." It doesn't necessarily mean that I may NOT be okay - it's just that - sometimes I simply have problems/ issues/ stresses (too) in my life and that they linger in my head (too).

But I never portray these. I thought I was motivating other people by not portraying them, but I wasn't completely honest.

The turn of events within these few weeks have changed my life.

A few weeks ago I listed down the things I needed to do to address "this", more like a strategy:

1) Admit I have a vulnerability issue
2) Let my loved ones know what is going on with my life
3) Not running away from my thoughts/ my problems. I am going to deal with them
- That includes answering uncomfortable questions. Or being comfortable at being not asked
at all. Writing down what bothers me.
4) I must post this. The amount of time I have evaded posting somber stuff
on any of my social media.. well have you seen any? They're not depressing, but these
moments are not jovial either so I always second guess. But the truth is - my social media is
not in its entirety representation of my life.
I NEVER post anything about being scared or worried in my life.
5) Lastly, Repeat.

Ask me now, and I will be honest with you more than ever in my life.

Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.


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