Thursday, August 15, 2013

Kitty & Phoenix

Two days ago, I found out that the kitty that I've been trying to domesticate for a few months now has left our home. I assumed this so because there are absolutely no signs of the kitty around anywhere after it had gone missing. I've reached out to Kitty till late by its favorite food tray's clinking noise, opened our doors wide open, and stayed by them (because it doesn't jump in through window) and rang it's toy bell every second for two nights now. I have loved it SO much, so so much.

All my life, I have never chained nor caged any of my pets, for reasons; I find it absolutely depressing and straining for them (some friends say I'm always a hippy that way). This might offend some, but the idea of caging and putting a leash on your pet friend almost feels like locking them down for our own rhyme and pleasure when we're home from work or anywhere. Caging for our own love. I'm not sure why I would reason so, but I do, and refuse the idea till today. I wanted them to roam free, and come back home with me at home with easy meals as incentives. It never seemed to "really work", and yet I never seem to give up either.

The very reason I wanted them to enjoy their freedom as (house) pets, is the very own reason why they left me. I know this rule of thumb about the animal instinct all along, but I never gave up on this idea. And even with the latest kitty's loss that I've been loving SO SO much, (you have no idea -- only my family knows how much I've loved and committed my time and energy to our family addition) I still CANNOT bring myself to cage my animals, while some say, protect.

The people that I love had told me all the similar things I have known all my life - that in animal kingdom (especially if you don't leash your pet friends) they will go. It's in their animal instinct to follow where the nature leads, and if especially they have reached a certain age of passing, they will wander, some remembers to return, some, will never. Mum had a cuter explanation of why Kitty left home, "God brought Kitty to other lonely people out there to accompany them."

Knowing my kitty will never run towards me while I scream my lungs out for it not to go under my tyres anymore has made me the most depressed I've been in months.. maybe even year.

Until, my sister told me that the baby kitten that I have just saved and brought home to the family and trained it to be adopted by the mother cat, had stopped breathing today. She wasn't sure what was the main cause, but we suspect it's because the mum (the adopted mum) has sat on the new kid (namely Phoenix, found at a shop called Phoenix) and suffocate it without realizing it.

I was devastated. I was heartbroken.

In my household, I have always been the one who takes really good care of my pets or any animals that have visited us. Everytime my pet runs off, the pain remains the same brutal devastation, but it still felt that particular loss was especially difficult. As it is with Kitty, and Phoenix because I figured I had particularly invested so much on them. I kiss them every day, I hug them to sleep, I amuse and entertain them on most of my days and nights, learned cat languages in order to give the "correct" responses to their actions (whatever they were). I was committed.

After this, I told myself I will get a pet dog puppy. I had plans and calculations in my head on how I'd like to raise it, but it seems to me that it will always conflict on how I would REALLY like to nurture my pet friends without lying to myself. Without leash.

I guess I have to figure this out sooner or later..

Hmm.

I actually feel better writing these all down. I'm not really a depressing person, but too many emotions bottled up about Kitty and Phoenix, my family will eventually get tired of listening to me, Facebook & Twitter are too influential for depressing statuses, that I figured penning it down would help. Heart's cleared now. Even on my way back yesterday, I had already told myself to stop thinking about it, but nothing more greater than the guilt of moving on I guess.

Please pray for my kind kittens! .. for me : )



Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

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