Sunday, March 27, 2011

What would you use all that cash for?

Today’s picture is inspired by;


So as I walk towards the train station every morning stirred with all kinds of emotions all even more stimulated with a rock song - more often than not, there’s a string tons of questions in my head. Why is the morning the hardest? What do we live for? Why did I slept late last night? What should I do this weekend? Have I finished the deck that I was supposed to do? You know, all kinds. And at one point in the midst of questions diarrhea, there would probably be a moment where we finally ask - so, why do we continue with life and what do we actually live for. You know this whole waking up early and do that whole REM’s Mad World cycle again?

Some adrenaline junkies live for adventures, some mediocres live for simplicity, some passionate people life for what they do in life (earned or for non-profitable causes), some hardworkers live for being able to sleep at night knowing they're doing something with their life impactful or not.

As I struggle to distinct myself with what I want in life and what I don't mind missing out on - I get more and more determined to live the life I want, I guess a little because of the self-fulfilling prophecy. I’d want to make it a habit to choose the options that will help me sleep well at night when making decisions and to calm myself down when things don't really go according to plan or seemed like they weren’t (that's how I've been living anyway).

That 10 minute walk to the train station always helps me to reinforce my reasons to live and to work hard. For what exactly? This is where I go crazy on dreaming J I always see at the same time and place a bus filled with a bunch of 3-4 year olds all dressed up all ready to go to school, parents waving, some still kissing their foreheads, some, still forcing the devils to go up to the bus.

I know I don't come across as someone very sensible for a kid, heck even for a family because I do appear as a scatterbrain and careless at times, but having a family is probably the other reason (after giving my mum a good life) for me to continue my mornings.

To be given a choice whether to get married at a (fairly) young age say around 30 or better younger, than to get so engrossed and be committed with work (let’s face it, you either willingly want to give a little, or let others take a little of your time) and you know maybe even get the chance to “play the field”, isn’t entirely something I would stomp on the idea but it’s not I want to live my life to. Everyone has their different goals and motivations in life. Some, are money centric, some likes to cross borders (live on venturing into new things and new stuff), some live for others, some loves the value of solitary.

I want a family :P

I want a bungalow house with a massive green lawn, not faked landscaped trees, I want a symbolic huge trunky tree at one corner of the lawn where my kids can grow up climbing it up and get bitten by mini red ants and come running back to me about it, I want 4 kids – (presumably and ambitious for now, yes) just cause they can pair up with each other when we travel in a bus or even in a flight in future or even in petty fights, and to avoid 2nd child syndrome, I’d like to send them to public schools so that they get to meet all the Malaysian races and are put in a position to must learn how to mix and mingle, make friends and learn appropriate cultures of all the races in Malaysia, to encourage appreciation in BM, Chinese, and Tamil (‘cause Daren is so Malaysian in his conversational skills, he can make friends with anyone with his language upperhand, I personally think it’s a good skill), I want a dog probably a brown Labby because it is not small, neither it is very huge and because I loved ‘Marley and Me’ so much, yah that movie worked on me. Oh, I’d want my own car. Of course, something I bought myself. Something I could bring my kids around to when one of them have (really) bad cravings of something in a middle of a Sunday afternoon, or to a family park that’s not a walking distance from my house. I want healthy Sunday evenings, something my family can play in my house lawn. An open air Badminton (‘cause it’s a Malaysian thing) maybe or just biking around the house repeatedly in circles.

Lastly, with all the money I’ve saved up from working or from other investments maybe, I will try not to buy my kids digital games until they are say 12 years old. I grew up tail-gaiting my brother around playing boys’ outdoorsy games like, climbing trees, water tanks, having warfields in the living room, doctor-doctor – all requires imagination J It would be a great exercise for the brain, let’s just hope we can reason our soon to be tech-savvy kids to deppreciate digital games.

I want my life to revolve around my mum, my kids, my husband, my siblings and immediate family, my job, my house, my savings, my own needs and my care for the society (maybe be part in orgs.). In that order, maybe.

Possibly the most mature, most ambitious, most deluded post on having the perfect life, I know but I strive for such contentment in life. I don’t even have to be super happy, of course neither do I want to be sad, I just want to come home to a bunch of devils that will wipe off every stress I had through the day, I just want to hear giggles and complains of THEIR day, I just want to hug my loved ones to sleep.

I just want to make a simple but good use to my hard earned pay, without having to play loud HD movies and sleep with different people to get by the lonely nights L

Love & peace,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

No comments: