Fat sigh

Listening to - The Beatles Here Comes the Sun

Bright lights. Ambitious heartbeats. Commute trains.

I am struggling with a lot that's going in life, and truthfully I'm waiting to reach that stable point in life where all I can do is see the days go by and sip tea while I'm at it. I am at the point where I'm desperate for a lot of reasons in life. Days can be the best, but it can grab-hold of all my positive spirit and throw it out the window just like that. This, I've experienced.

And it sucks.

I'm moving into a new place with a bunch of really nice Chinese (real mainland China) and I'm excited what this would bring to me. They're a bunch of humble Chinese people (not to mention clean) and I can't wait to live with them! This would be an exciting chapter of my life :)

I've been working at this place for about a month now and it's all good. Of course there are times where I'd like to slam my head on the wall for making these stupid petty mistakes, but I'm slowly learning and hopefully my bosses and people around me will look at me as an opportunity. It's so easy to be in awe of all the legendary stories we see in movies, but it's so hard to rise up to the challenge and live as one. Fact is, at times I do feel like giving up. Especially early in the morning when my body screams no, but my mind dictates actions.

I know I have a lot of people to thank to, especially Daren who brought the meaning of "being there" a whole new spectrum, a whole new league. He has helped me so much, that he's possibly among the only reason I'm trying to survive this city. It's such pain to go through life without anyone, it doesn't matter whether it's your spouse, or your good friends, it's almost natural to want to rely on someone to talk to at the end of the really long tiring day. Thanks baby, you keep me sane.

Oh my God, I forgot how good it feels to blog.

I think stress is affecting my health. Don't worry I'm still as stubby as I was, just a few body glitches. My right eye hurts, especially the eyebrow. Whenever I massage it, there's a strange pressured pain around it. I'm not sure what this is but I only started realising it when I started working. I am having back problems as well and I get headaches almost every night, and too think to succumb to Panadol everyday would be insane, and suicidal.

Though sometimes I secretly pop the pills for a good night sleep even with a bearable headache.

Sigh.

I feel old too at times. I need a life-changing experience, something I can look back at. Or maybe, just a good weekend. I'm trying not to lose some charm in me that some of you might appreciate about in me or for Christ' sake love, but you see -life can be a bitch sometimes.

I'm holding on and hopefully my next post would be a lot more pictures and interesting (everyone's a bipolar in some ways)- can't wait for my sister to come here!!

For now, I need computer games. Anyone has Restaurant Empire, The Sims or some non-really-hard-thinking games?

Love & peace,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

Comments

Yuenny said…
i have harvest moon! and i think jay can send you the plants zomebies gmae ;D

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