A letter to a 65 year old

Tonight, I will post something a little different. Everyone I know have talked so much about the love they've earned, learned or yet to understand.

How in one minute strangling the person to death you argue with is just one step away, or, how nightmares turned starry skies, with just a phone call away in another minute. The reason I decided to do this unique post is because I've come to understand that at this age, you and I know relationships and human contacts come and disappear like a woman's scorn. But why is it so addictive?

Here goes:

Dear Jacqkie,

I wonder where you are and what you're doing when you read this next. I'm currently sitting with my back on the wall, three pillows stacked to support this supposedly young back-bone but somehow keeps cracking every day (I refuse to believe it's the drinking and dancing, because when I'm on the dancefloor I feel most alive). I hope yours doesn't crack as much, my well wishes! I'm cold and this winter jacket is least helpful. Anyway, this is a letter I write to you when I was 21. This whole thing might sound absurd especially since I'm posting it online, but I read once the practice of writing letters to the past or the future you is like a gift no one else can give you. A gift that no one remembers doing, yet wished they had.

I stumbled upon a magazine that day that interviewed a number of successful females, to write a letter to their past self which touched me so deeply, I decided to do the same. Oh yes, love. Love.

Where do I start?

I'm currently in a relationship with a guy I met 2 years a go. I was introduced to him through close friends, and though at that moment nothing seemed promising, everything changed when walls were broken. Chances are for him to sleep next to you tonight, is bright :) I have yet to know who that person is, but I am sure you made the greatest decision of your life. Ever since we were young, I've always been fascinated with the idea of "boy meets girl, girl meets boy". There's something about the way a 'special' person interacts with you that makes him different from the rest. I wonder whether the attraction that you had with this person remains the same with you now.

See, unlike most people I don't have the most trouble falling out of love. Because, it was also not easy to fall into it. We had the wackiest, depressing teenage years ever so acknowledging that I'm still so young and to hope that I could embrace each and every year of my life with different lovers, I detest. Frankly, I'm a hopeless romantic. I'd doodle my lover's name all over my notepad, and if there's a chance to sing for him on casual rush-hour jams, I would.

But see, the movies and songs taught us differently. Taught me differently. I used to think a man would fall in love with the girl with the brightest smile, and the most colourful dresses, but fortunately, and strangely, the love I experienced contradicts. I am a simple girl. I am fiercely opinionated, I am a short stumpy girl who sees the world a lot bigger than I do, and the only, only way to know the whole world before I die is to actually live. To actually do things that I might not be able to do anymore when I'm you're age (no offense :P), but to just live. I would never imagine a gorgeous man would love me just as much I am loved right now, but you see, it happened.

Love is not fate. It isn't, and I have agreed to this since young. Love doesn't happen miraculously, and magical sand-dust will never rain on you when you see that that taperson. Love means, getting to know the person. There are times when I wish to jump right to where you are, to skip these whole roller coaster process and just be satisfied with life already. I heard, when you've stayed too long in this world rules are like jokes. Is this true?

I love love. How about you, and how did you go through it? :)