Thursday, July 31, 2008

Orientation Day

Today was my first day of degree. Well it wasn't much actually, because all I did was sitting in a cold room, trying to make every bit of what the speaker says, sound funny. Just because. Oh, and I even renamed all my images in the phone. That's how bored I was.

Other than that, I met old and new friends today :) Super happy because I get to do a little bit of networking. Am I excited for a newer, bigger class? Yes and no. I'm not interested in big classes because my attention span would be lesser, but I'd get to listen to more random opinions, and definitely see more colours that gives life to a class. That is of course a plus point.

Life's been slightly difficult for me these past few days. I haven't done much talking to some people and I hope that things will get better in time. I couldn't help but feel tremendously guilty because I knew it was my fault that I got carried away. I'm trying to make things work now, but somehow I'm... Scared. Please God, let me overcome this because you know how I hate dramas in my life. Tell me what to do. Tell me.

The doctor is finally graduating. This August I will get to stand next to the doctor that God knows I've been proud of so much. It's time for him to finally get the well-deserved recognition he's working hard for. Most importantly, of all the doctors I've known in my life, he is by far has the most heart and passion for what he's doing. Something I admire the most in him.

Update: I overcame my fear. Everything is fine.

A whole day of orientation will take place again tomorrow, and yes I'm not coming. If my mum sees this, I'll probably get a lecture from her.

"But mummy, there will be talks of success in the future!"

and she'll say something like...

"Future? by going to the talk, you will probably then have one!"

-_-"

Okay, I'm off to rest. I'm quite tired today.


Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Dress Up Games

Good morning fellow friends whom I've quite been separated from these past few months, I'm finally done with my latest internship, something that I did for my own experience. To be honest, when I first started the whole thing it was something I hated, because as millions of my friends out there enjoying their holidays partying till morning or even wake up way too late that all they need to do is eat dinner and then sleep again, Well, I didn't work, I interned! Something youths nowadays don't really want to do for that cute amount of money.

Yeah. Expect the usual interns treatment, and of course the usual workload.

I'm actually trying to get myself a bit of a break until college starts. Working was (good lord, feels nice using 'was') so tiring, I felt like giving up half-way, but of course the stubborn headed Jacqkie wouldn't do that, so she didn't of course with ambitions that this training gets to teach her a thing or two.

I'm currently playing some online (*cough*dressup*cough*)with no reason. I just came back from ss2, after a good eat with sweets of course, and now I'm chilling, playing random games that are not suppose to make me think. Enough of thinking, I need retarded magazines, jokes that are timeless and weird games that will make me happy just by looking at the colour palletes. Really!

It's 1.29 AM now, and as I took my cup to drink some water to clear my hiccup my playlist started playing 'Silent Night'. I almost choked, and wondered shit it is a silent night. Gladly sleeping this late without worrying any shit, I'm still thinking of what to write. Seriously, it has been almost 2 hours I left my blogpost open and I'm still clueless of what to write.

Just to let everyone know, college is starting next week. Besides being excited being able to be with Audrey, Denise, Karen and some of my classmates again, I'm not too sure what to feel. Really. I mean should I be excited? Tired? Guess I shall be there to experience myself. An oh yes, down-under is yet to be confirmed :)

Things I've learned/gained from my experience:
1. The names of local celebrities (who is Datin and who looks like Datin)
2. Make drinks whenever you're bored is a good diversion
3. Start using words like 'Shit' and 'Crap' more often (refer above) when I'm stressed
4. Too much (male in the team) testosterone is not good for health


Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

Monday, July 21, 2008

does it make the world go round?

Completely disturbed by it? Yes, I have to admit it. I have no right to say anything, but the impact it had on me was so strong I wanted to scream to everyone of my opinion without listening to others'. It was unfair. I shut my mouth but not my thoughts. I couldn't shake the thought out of my head.

How do I even begin to express what I felt? you, f, e.. herm. No, not those words. It's not my place to pass judgements to people I barely talk to. The style, the expression, the motive - it was dejavu. I could have sworn the last time it happened I hated talking to anyone and hear another damn bloody plead. I mean I actually felt what she felt, I wanted to grab hold of all her emotions and throw it to the road, let all the cars crush it for her, and tell her, everything will pass - time will heal.

..But where do I bloody start?

I don't want an opinion. I don't want a suggestion. I just wanted to let every bit of my thought go- I just wanted to let it out. It feels strangely good spilling out everything I'm passionate of without anyone disagreeing to it, but who am I suppose to talk to then? Should I just talk to the trees, or the cars, or even my handphone? Should I? I shall write, type, express. I shall sleep hating the world.

X: We hurt the people we love the most.


You people can or should make all the mistakes in the world, except hurting the people you love the most. This whole thing worries, dissapoints me and what's worst - scares me. I couldn't help being the most scared at this time not because I'm not certain but because I'm too certain. What I have learned from relationships is that you can be with a guy for 5 years, and you still won't know who he really is. You can be with a guy for 80years, and you still won't know everything about him. You won't know how he looked at the girl who just passed you by, you won't know how he talk to the counter-lady in McDonald's, you won't know how he greeted morning to his colleague, you won't know how he commented on his friend's busty cleavage, you won't know his dirtiest nastiest thoughts about a celebrity... vice versa - you can never ever know.
X2: She was a smart girl. Until she fell in love.


I'm a paranoid freak, who constantly needs to be reminded. Reminded of bloody what, Jacqkie?! What?! It's sickening, and it's deep-shit unnecessary. But the poor self-confidence not in myself, not in the dirty world, not to the other half but to my thoughts, these kniving unforgiving thoughts. My 'thoughts' is a person itself and a mind of it's own - it doesn't need words, it doesn't need action, it just needs visual proves. It needs to happen right infront of her eyes. It needs to see what it wants to see. It needs to feed itself with what it thinks of this world. It's as simple as that... show me what you promised.

Oh God, why create love when you know it hurts people?

Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Starbucks and Work

Gavin Degraw - I don't Want To Be

How many billion years ago did I last updated my blog? It seems like for July, it has only been three times I've posted something in here. I'm counting the days till I get to enjoy my holidays again. Working's been fun, but if there's anything I hate about working it's the discipline part of the job and of course the responsibility. And you know what, even when I'm typing this down I constantly want to press Ctrl + S (to those who don't know this is to save your work) and it makes me realize I'm a bloody workaholic! You know what's worst - I feel darn good about it sometimes.

Taxi to Midvalley: RM6.00
Visit to Starbucks for Breakfast and Work: RM20.00
Taxi to One-U: RM13.00
Moviefor Daren to teman meon my work: RM5.00
Lunch: RM7.00

Experienc e of working: PRICELESS
Daren's sweet gesture of accompanying me (but felt asleep for the entire movie):
beyond PRICELESS

I can't even pen-down my words to describe the experience I'm getting from this part-time internship I'm currently doing. I mean why should I? It couldn't have been more perfect the way it is - I shall let people know or see it for themselves. As for sweets, well when these two elements collide, that's when I'm torn in two. I got so tired most of the days after work, that I literally feel like taking steroid and whatnot to keep-up with him. It's crazy and desperate.

As I sat down in Starbucks alone last Friday, I looked around and observed, most of them are all dressed up in formal suits just like me, most of them are all typing down things I'm certain it's work just like me, but most of them bought a cup of coffee and a cake that wasn't even finished and it was left there to waste. I'm thinking, maybe I shouldn't have done this everyday. I mean, who am I to appear in such places, where class and elegance seem so important, and honestly speaking, I would usually grab the food and shoved it to my mouth unlike some, forks and spoons were like makind's greatest invention. Hygienic?It wasn't even in the question anymore. When the whole world is doing that in such place, it's natural we do the same.

I'm blogging yet again from sweets' place, this time because I want too :) Oh, I've missed blogging so much, I sure hope I can get to do it more-often after I'm done with work. Wee!

Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Baby's Day

I wanted to do a lot more different things for you and with you since this is my first time celebrating your day, but I realized you're so much more than a celebration of a day..

It's funny how this is your special day but everytime these special occasions come near, it's as if I'm the one celebrating. If you must know, I didn't have much when I first came here, the only thing I had was my conscience. Slowly I met great people, amazing friendships, splendid companionship but there's always something missing. I would walk alone by myself after college to home, I would go to parties myself and what's worst I would eat dinner myself thinking, this is fine. Sure, it felt good to do things alone once in a while, but this is when these long lines make sense; I celebrated something more when you celebrate something else... YOU.

You're beautiful when you're most vulnerable, yet the hardest to be close with when you confine yourselves from things that bother you. You're like a book, something I fell hard from the first introduction but something I loved even more after reading who you are. You are selfless, you gave me so many things in life that I struggle so hard to understand, yet you believe in me, us even when the whole world doesn't. You shared with me a whole new level of love, a whole new way to love. You really did.

Dear baby, I have a million and one dreams, and I personally think you are the only dream that is evergreen. So today, everyone shall know that you're day is on the 8th of July! Remember baby, it's not just a birthday. It's YOUR day.

From my computer desk in the office (my laptop still haven't been fixed), despite everything:

Have a relaxing filled with sincere laughters birthday!



Reminders:
  • Keep away from anything depressing or whatever that will remind you of things that makes you sad
  • No frowns or I will squish your balls, and you know I dare to
  • No thinking of me first, you first!
  • No looking to the mirror and say 'baby, I'm damn fat la' or I will take all the food for the day and eat with Nolen and Anucia only
  • All your lame jokes will be appreciated highly today

last but never the least, I LOVE YOU and this one's not only for today but for every breath I take. *start puking people, go ahead*

Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

New friendship

This feels good, right and most importantly comfortable. I can't help but telling myself that the history is too webby for us to explore, it should've just left it untouched. I got myself messed up when I know about the past, especially when I chose to believe whether the future will ever be any bit like the past. Then I met them,

I'm currently using sweets' computer for this post. After I'm done using it, I'm going upstairs to watch him and his brother Nolen, play PS2. To say that I'm happy that things has been going very well, it's safe to say that I'm loving every second of it. I love being an outsider, yet remained loved and cared for even though I have very little contact with them. I prefer my identity as someone who does not need to know so much about their lives, but yet they welcomed me with alot of love, it feels sweet. Sometimes, it's not who you treat, but why you did so.

My inspiration from this post came from a piece of paper, that expressed huge volume of love yet executed in the simplest manner. I almost cried reading, looking at it wondering how the sweetest gesture comes in the strangest action. It makes me feel good, loving and knowing every part of this family. It gives me big assurance of how my life would be if I believe in this path, because really, this family is something.

So I inhaled and exhaled, gave myself time to breathe steadily after reading it, flashback of my life tells me there's something I've been doing very right last time, that deserved me a beautiful set of another familial unit to adore. I feel, happy.

I believe in time, I shall have to play their current roles too, welcoming an outsider wanting to be loved and cared, in different ways yet with strong underline meanings. I shall keep the pleasure to myself for now, it gives me indescribable happiness

The happiness, the laughters, the companionship, the games, the jokes, the smiles, the ways, the invitation, the conversation, the love- so different yet so at beautiful, I can just sleep here now, loving their friendship, they gave me.

Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Laptop died

Dear friends, I am blogging from the office again, this time it's less cold and less work too. It's 5 minutes till I'm done for the day and I'm off to get sweets' birthday presents. The trick is, he's always there with me, including tonight. Will inform of you birthday details soon, dont worry!

I'm finding a way to look for his presents without him noticing it. Wish me luck guys! Oh yea, sadly to inform you all my laptop finally died few days back and I'm laptop-less now, rather entertainment less. I can't check my facebook, blog, basically I can't do alot of things. *sigh*

I hope to fix it soon, but I am way too busy with work myself. Argh. Okay, this post is sickly boring I know, just thought I'd update you guys bit by bit, whenever I can.

Oops, baby will be here soon. GTG.

Love,
Jacqueline Rowena @ Jacqkie.