Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Like a man!

Amy Winehouse- Tears dry own their own

"I don't know why I got so attached..."- Winehouse


I'm angry at myself. It sucks to be a woman. Not a girl, a woman. I bid in awe the man who invented the term white lies, as it is, clearly, a remakable talent to define it as 'lying-for-your-own-ass-for-your-own-good'. Rite. Experienced with white lies too many, I'm numb with it. and I bet we all are.

I'm currently filled with alot of emotions. But then again, I am a woman. This is this, that is that, no means no, yes means yes. Goodness me, why can't I be more, like most men, maybe? Who would take things as it is, and best of all, blardy lives for the present. I am a self-centred, concerned, manipulative 50 year old mother stucked, in a 19 year old's body. I should just live and let live, and ignore the future.

I could smell it. I could hear people talking, yet, I wake up the very next morning, in defiance of my endless thoughts. We're all grown up now, and the older we get, the better actor we've become. Being in-denial, feels like a chase, It doesn't stop and you will never know when you will able to stop. You do know, what's happening. You shh'd, regardless. What's worst, you've shed so many tears, and whispered so many replacable words, still, you're seen as being so jaded to these issues. Will you keep talking? No. It's time to let go of your principes;

I'm an admirer of the woman. Not a feminist, not a sexist. How we can bottle up so many emotions, yet speak out so many more of it. How we try so hard to draw the future for others, yet, were always mistook as taking charge or intervening. How we literally, give so many things in life, to what people want, and all we ever wanted in return was an understanding of our action. It is not easy to make people understand our action, yet we keep on trying, and keep on praying.

So the night is a bit cold for me tonight. I miss my baby. and I'm writing down things I'm not supposed to. I request not any of you question what I wrote. It was a risk to get myself very attached to him, because now, it is extremely difficult to separate from him. Even for a minute, I miss you.

I will become a better woman. This means, closing my mouth, eyes, ears- everything when I have to. Sometimes, it's not about what you say, it's about what you don't say. I'll leave the silence alone, when I have nothing to improve the silence. I will be the woman of actions, and let my actions speak the most of my thoughts. I will try and not give up on proving my point. I know, God has the perfect reasons in making me, me; one of them is to take care of Dear Daren :)

Baby and I in Pavillion, for our free dinner!

Love,
Jacqkie.

2 comments:

-[sweei]- said...

OooOoo, hows the free food gurl?!? Any recommendations?

Jacqkie! said...

Sweei: the food was good! :) very good!