Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I just had to,

Women in equation
Orgasm differences between man and woman

Yea, slap me. I just found these pictures damn hillarious okay.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Like a man!

Amy Winehouse- Tears dry own their own

"I don't know why I got so attached..."- Winehouse

I'm angry at myself. It sucks to be a woman. Not a girl, a woman. I bid in awe the man who invented the term white lies, as it is, clearly, a remakable talent to define it as 'lying-for-your-own-ass-for-your-own-good'. Rite. Experienced with white lies too many, I'm numb with it. and I bet we all are.

I'm currently filled with alot of emotions. But then again, I am a woman. This is this, that is that, no means no, yes means yes. Goodness me, why can't I be more, like most men, maybe? Who would take things as it is, and best of all, blardy lives for the present. I am a self-centred, concerned, manipulative 50 year old mother stucked, in a 19 year old's body. I should just live and let live, and ignore the future.

I could smell it. I could hear people talking, yet, I wake up the very next morning, in defiance of my endless thoughts. We're all grown up now, and the older we get, the better actor we've become. Being in-denial, feels like a chase, It doesn't stop and you will never know when you will able to stop. You do know, what's happening. You shh'd, regardless. What's worst, you've shed so many tears, and whispered so many replacable words, still, you're seen as being so jaded to these issues. Will you keep talking? No. It's time to let go of your principes;

I'm an admirer of the woman. Not a feminist, not a sexist. How we can bottle up so many emotions, yet speak out so many more of it. How we try so hard to draw the future for others, yet, were always mistook as taking charge or intervening. How we literally, give so many things in life, to what people want, and all we ever wanted in return was an understanding of our action. It is not easy to make people understand our action, yet we keep on trying, and keep on praying.

So the night is a bit cold for me tonight. I miss my baby. and I'm writing down things I'm not supposed to. I request not any of you question what I wrote. It was a risk to get myself very attached to him, because now, it is extremely difficult to separate from him. Even for a minute, I miss you.

I will become a better woman. This means, closing my mouth, eyes, ears- everything when I have to. Sometimes, it's not about what you say, it's about what you don't say. I'll leave the silence alone, when I have nothing to improve the silence. I will be the woman of actions, and let my actions speak the most of my thoughts. I will try and not give up on proving my point. I know, God has the perfect reasons in making me, me; one of them is to take care of Dear Daren :)

Baby and I in Pavillion, for our free dinner!


Sunday, April 27, 2008

We cook also la

India Arie-Purify Me

I studied the whole weekend so don't give me that look. I got bored, and hungry, so I decided to blog. I'm laughing my brains out watching Ty Barnett on youtube, and man that guy got some serious jokes. You guys should really check him out. Like, seriously.

My brother came over for the weekend, with iPod touch in his hand, which yes, I was in a caveman mode playing with it when he shoved it to me. These canggih things are way too cool for me- by the time I know how to use it, it sure will be outdated already.

Knowing that Man U vs Chelsea will play at 7.30pm last night, I reminded my brother about it, being the sweet guy he is, he told me it's okay that he'll miss the first few minutes of the game to teman me for dinner. So I separated with him after reaching MidValley, couple of minutes later I saw a familiar guy standing witha bunch of other men outside Chillis completely ignorant of the world around them, got their senses locked to the TV Screen.

Abang: SHIT. I just realized not watching this match makes me feel so incomplete!
Me: I teman you here?
Abang: Let's eat in Chillis!
Me: *raised both eyebrows* (counting in my head the amount of money I have in purse)
Abang: *eyes on TV*
Me: ....*went in and booked a place for us* (still counting...)

So the bugger was so happy he got to watch his football, and I swear to God I'm beginning to fear watching football in crowd. I mean, male crowds. Whatever that means. They can be so loud and crude, particularly my brother when his team scored. Watching football, however, miraculously gets him full easier, and can even make him lose his appetite. Correct anot?

Baby and I had our first cook-in that day, and eventhough we weren't any Jamie Olivers, we both did great. Come to think about it, I dont know why I'm showing you guys what we cooked. *makes thinking face* Oh well.

Assuming I didn't get the Bali thingy, I'm quite happy I didnt get it actually. The event does sound cool, tooooo cool it's scary. What's most awesome about it, it's that I don't have to worry much about my tickets back to Sabah anymore. Everything's fine now. Wee!

I will work these few months. I am not sure as what or where yet, but I think I will, maybe a part-timer. I will ask from mummy for a gym membership as well, and maybe finally drag her to the showrooms. Abang bought a flat 32inch for his house in JB and I cant wait to see my mum's reaction when she finds out. It should be priceless. Or someone will die. *touches wood*

I had Indo-Mee for dinner, and am physically, mentally, spiritually whatever in that category basically, not enthusiast of studying. Finally, my organizer is very much empty for the month of May. I swear, I never thought this day would come that I can actually say, I'm not busy. Having the inability to descriptively define to my closest loved ones what my busy really means, sucks sometimes.

Even worse, I don't really want to chase rainbows for the rest of my life, when my rainbows are already here with me. How?


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's the third time

Yup, this was the reason we missed Shaneil's celebration and catching up with Carol babe.

My poor baby got his shoulder dislocated. Again. This was his third time, and was the most painful according to him. We were in the bus when it happened, and I swear to God, I was very close in tearing right infront of him, but couldn't because I know, it would not help the situation AT ALL. So I toughen up, and completely ignored the world, and focused only on him at that time.

Sorry to everyone for not being able to msg and explain to you guys about it, as I was too busy taking care of him for his x-rays 'till he reached his ward. We had a difficult dinner and I couldn't really sleep at night thinking how he's doing in the hospital alone, in the night. I mean yes, he is a big boy, but he's my big boy now, and I will always be on the lookout for him.

I spent the entire day and night with him in the hospital, and was trying my best to make sure we would have fun with of course, being conscious of his inability using the right hand very much. And boy did we had fun! It didn't felt like we were in the hospital at all, minus the sick people, minus the nurses, minus the medicines, minus the, okay maybe abit la. And according to him, it was the best hospital stay!

It's actually not a funny thing at all, but the drs and nurses and baby himself made it funny.

Dr: So you know the procedures right! You've been here so many times! *laughs*
Nurse: *saw Daren* Ah, ini selalu datang ni.
Daren: You know what, I think I contribute to 70% of SJMC's profit la baby.
Me: -____-"

Other than that, I'm done with classes and will (DAMN IT) have finals in a week's time, and I haven't looked through my notes at all. I should really start my studying tomorrow.

Oh my Gosh, I have 25 people to thank, yes, my friends of proPassion Communications; Andrea, Nat, Audrey, Swee Wei, Nessa, Yuen, Grace, Carmen, Ash, Aina, Wai Kit, Goh Ngin Tseng, Lydia, Linda, Alvin, Denise, Kerry, Roger, Edmund, Amanda, Jing-Jing, Jay, Thomas and Cythia. Really, we're the starting line of the consultancy yo! Thanks for your co-operation, and you no longer have to sigh whenever you bumped into me, because I know asking for your updates can be irritating at times. :P

As for the Bali thing, may the best men/women get it. Good luck guys!

Baby and I are starting a new discipline, which we cant tell what, because we're very shy about it and it's not something sexual, rather it's something challenging. Other than that, baby went to church for the second time last week, and he wore the wrong shirt seriously, unintentionally, again. Great! It wrote:

"SUN OFF A BEACH" - i fell asleep in English class

What matters most is he's there. He's sweetly there accompanying me.


Happy Birthday Shaneil

Dear Shaneil,

I'm so sorry, we couldn't make it for your birthday but we bet you had tons of fun with your closest friends that night and on your birth-day, regardless. Daren and I were also apart of the surprise *grins* and yes, I acted on the 'pretending-not-knowing-who's-birthday-it-was' as well. Thank God, it was online, I would have sucked lying to your face.

Daren and I went to Klang Saturday before the party purposely to just marinade the chicken (how was it anyway?) just for you and Denise! :) I remembered once, you told me that no one really remembered your birthday, and now, that 'statement' is no longer valid okay :)

Sorry this had to happened on your birth-day but I had to take care of poor Daren, and let's just say- we were 'adviced' by his mum not to go out that night. Only God knows, how apologetic and bad we felt for not being able to come to your birthday. TGIF? Seriously!!!!!!!!

To Denise, your awesome for doing such a sweet thing to Shaneil. You really are. P/S: Please don't marah me for using this pic, your bum looks good anyway! Hehe.

Happy Belated 20th Birthday Shaneil! :)


Saturday, April 12, 2008

Them elderlys are here

The elderlys are here. My aunts and an uncle reached KL last Tuesday, and everything else is fine, except, work, sick (bad-bad throat, too much... heaty food) and keyboard's finally showing the virus-ed symptoms. Yup, I can't use my left shift key, tab and caps lock. I get occasional funky windows popping out on the computer screen and most importantly it does not detect thumbrives most of the time. The virus has finally danced around.

Other than my physical stuffs bailed on me most of the time, everything else seem normally okay. I should be done with this Thursday and I can't wait to shake that Diploma off from me. Back in high school I never thought I would actually have to use my brain for college. You know, the glitz and glamour of how a private college would promise you kinda tricked me la. (Booze, Freedom, Freedom, Freedom... Freedom...) As a matter of fact, I realized I love using this brain of mine. I'm amazed at how much I can be in love with knowledge or wisdom, that it surprises me some times, and definitely annoys me most of the time.

So I was listening to my playlist quite loudly in my room with my auntie in the room with me that day:

Nickelback's Rockstar- "The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap, We'll all stay skinny and we just wont eat!"

*she glanced at me* *I smiled shyly*

Okay, okay. Next song.

Nirvana's Cocaine Girl- "It makes me lose control, it makes me go insane, I wanna a girl that does cocaine!!"

*another glance* *closed my eyes- "smiled shyly" again*

OKAY. Change another song...

Al Green's Unchained Melody

*a nod* *phew*

Next Song. "Aaaah, Aaaah" (orgasmic sound- Nore Put Em Up)

*press stop- stop- STOP!, switch off*

"Jacqkie, apa punya lagu you listen to lah, all evil and drugs."

The whole week's been busy, I reckon it should be busier by Thursday. Sweets have been delightfully nice to teman me everywhere helping me with my work. You know when you're very much into someone that it takes absolutely nothing else or anyone to cut yourself from him? Well, that's me. I would drag sweets anywhere I go, he's like the cutest puppy I never had. I mean, ahem, man.

See, told you right?

Baby helped me with the styrofoam today and found a new toy he liked. The Styrofoam cutter! (whatelse can you find) And he was so adorable!

"Baby, baby, try and touch the wire, you can actually feel the 'electricity'"

As usual, I tried to layan him with a little bit of sense in me (left), and tried somethings he suggested except, of course touching the wire that cuts the styrofoam, because well, let's face it, someone has to be the sane one or else.

Sunday I had to go to Amcorp Mall, had to, and no, it's not thaaaat bad, to get a tea for my aunty. Being the Jenius, me and sweets both forgot (completely, mind you) about the tea that I promised to buy for her. So being the paranoid freak I am, I went back and got the tea, almost immediately I remembered about it. I got myself another book (jump ups and down!), and went to Sunway to join my aunties and uncles, only to find out I have to go back with a bus that comes after almost 45minutes waiting for it. I

I'm torn apart between working or going to gym for the past three months I'll be free until degree. What say you?


Wednesday, April 09, 2008

"Why do we hurt the most, the ones we love the most" - Yasmin Ahmad (Gubra)

I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone in the past few days but I have been very busy with everything that I dont even have the time to take a breather anymore.

The only time I know I'm around and living is when I'm sleeping. Other than that, I'm somewhat derailed and cannot see anything in front of me ironically- I'm constantly moving.

Just like everyone else, I'm constantly tired and questions millions of things in life.

Why are such things repetitive? Why am I on a rocking boat? Why do I get tangled? What is ahead of me? Why can't life be black and white? Why do I keep banging myself on the wall? Why do people lie? Why can't we just give up? Why am I so determined? Why do I keep asking questions? Why dont these things stop pestering me?

Currently, I have a swollen throat and a farked up life. The best part is, everyone around me thinks the same. None of us are the happiest anymore. I dont give a damn if no one actually knows what's in this small head of mine, but I assure you, none of my thoughts, I repeat none is kniving and everything is clear as water.

But others, I dont know. I thought I knew and maybe, soon, I will give up finding out.

DYD, I hope we'd stick with each other through thick and thin. I know I wont be available to you at all times that you'd resort to others, I'm truly deeply sorry. I will never mistreat you and will always be by your side. No hidden secrets, metamorphical languages, lies, un-trustworthiness and confusion, will I try and engaged to. I'm sorry, everything begins and ends with me, I know. :`(

..and I hope with my two hands pressed together, that you too, would do the same.


Sunday, April 06, 2008

Hot. Quite hot.

I checked my phone. 9.35AM. Looked around, wondering should I or should I not wake up now.
Msgd him-

We spent the whole day in MidValley looking for his futsal shoe. Self-proclaim the cheapest girlfriend in the world, I helped him looking for something I call, "affordable" *couogh-less than RM100*cough* And bought of course, nothing. YET.

As expected, we, or rather HE, did not managed to escape from MPH Bookstores and we actually spent about half an hour there, mind you, actually READING. I was reading this DAMN-IT-I-WANT-THAT-BOOK, Tess Stimson's Infidelity Chain, while he, a book of superheroes.

Trying hard not to give a damn of the speaker behind my back talking loudly about his book, I couldn't help but rationalizing on his Tips for Improptu Speeches: PREP.

First, give a Point.
Second, give a Reason for the point you stated.
Third, Explain the point.
Fourth, might as well add on another P to make it sound nicer.

Young entrepeneurs now are, surfacing, I must say. But then again, He is a Singaporean...

The sweetheart came to St.Francis Xavier today with 0 (zero) clue of how a mass or a service goes. The best part he's wearing a shirt with the wordings:


How awesome (dont try this at other church) is that?

Besides eating fusion food of Local's and Western's, (I swear to God there's Satay, Fries, and Char Kuey Teow all in one plate), we spent about 10 minutes fighting over this decision buying a black flip-flops. In the end, he managed to sweettalk me and bought it for me. If there's anything I cannot say no to, it's his:

"Baabbbyyy Baaaahhhhhh"
*stomping his two feet on the ground and making the :( face*

Omg, if I do have any personality disorder, I would actually pluck his head out and preserve it somewhere in my room- for well, "rememberance" *whistles*. It's damn bloody (really bedarah-darah in this case) adorable okay!!!

On a different note, I have a flip-flop now! Thanks baby.
Went to visit a shelter home last Saturday and it was really-really-really nice. Worth it! A girl gave me her finger-painting that I appreaciate so much, I'm thinking of putting it up somewhere in my fugly room. What do you think?



Friday, April 04, 2008

if i have to

Current Song: James Morrison- You Give Me Something

Dear Daren Yong A/L Devendran,

I dont give two shits of who'll read this, I just want to express in my public journal of how amazing you are.

We both agree that the L word has only one meaning. Sacrifice. That we both gave up alot of things to live our way, though it may or may not be align with other people's definitions of the L word, we chose to stick to ours.

You've not asked me to change even once since 5 months ago, so I havent, and I'm praying not abit of you will change too. You're the sweetest man I've ever met, and only you know the reason behind all your unbelivably lovely actions. You are the living example of the saying Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

You have that spontaneity in you that I'm dying to possess and I look up to you for that. You have that warmth in you that I'm sure, being with you is the safest thing to do. You're a pleasent gentleman, and I'm glad it's me who've been receiving the special attentions.

You love me for who I am, and what's more amazing for what I will be. You ignored yours and my flaws and saw in me the things I never thought I am or could be. You're the colour, the sunshine, the joy and the moon in my life. Screw my bad examples, but only you can make me write these things without feeling nauseous about it.

You're a wonderful person. A beautiful start in my life, a dear son, a sweet brother, and a very caring friend. You showed me that the simplest things are the best things in life. Love songs become belivable, and acceptable. Only 'cause, you came to picture after the shits we've been through.

You have made me become scared of being inseparable with you. The thought of not sticking to our comfort zone. The thought of having to go far, the thought of changing for who we are.

I want to be your best friend, your lover and last but not least your shoulder.

I Love You,