Monday, March 31, 2008

Stop playing that song!

I cannot believe I'm actually falling for the song Teardrops on my Guitar. WTF.

I hate it when this happen, you know when you're confident you will not ever in your living years like that song (not that you'd hate it, you just wont like it), and when you do- you feel like biting your ears to stop yourself from re-playing that song.

Had a presentation today on Interpersonal Attraction and you know what, it's true, pretty people usually gets their way. Most of the time, pretty people are welcome more then them not so pretty people. What the hell am I talking, I dont even know the definition of pretty in this context.

Alvin's 20th Birthday (Ash's camera)

I feel very sad that pretty people stick to their kind or even so- gets the final say of who's not pretty and who is.

Confidence is like a bitchy roller coaster- it can go up anytime, worst case- goes down when you least want it. It kills your mood, it sucks rationality from you, worst- it stops you from moving forward. Suddenly, you take note of what you have and what you dont have, suddenly, you come up with crazy ideas and suddenly, you're unhappy for no apparent reason, you're feeling the lowest of lowest.

It's okay that everyone is different in skin colour, shapes, and sizes. It's we people who cant stop scrutinizing these things are those we should avoid of. Right? No? Yes?

You're right, when some mindsets change, some just stay stagnant- still. So no difference.

HOLY COW, I tilted my head trying to see what my cousin's watching and I saw a super white fugly bleeding girl crawling to the bed. Can people stop making such movies, ah?

"Omg, I'll slap your brain arh!"


Friday, March 28, 2008


I have so much work on my deskptop that I no longer can see mine and sweets' smiles on this wallpaper. Gosh, I'm so stressed. I need a waffle!


Monday, March 24, 2008

Congratulations Kakak Milla! :)

Assuming that all of the pictures below got the word Jacqkie's on it (copyright reasons), I think ya'll can tell where I was the whole week I went MIA.

Going back hometown, never felt this good. Seriously. The fact that everyone was there and that everyone was in their joyous of mood for one of our loved cousin is now a Puan, everything went well.

Congratulations Kakak Milla! :)

Playing cards together among us cousins (last was about 10 years ago?) was so much fun! Time passed so fast that we forgot we were already playing for hours, and hours. Honestly speaking, I couldn't have ask for more in a trip-back home than that.

I enjoyed the company of them little rascals (which somehow or rather seemed to grow faster by the month! what the,), and of course I very much enjoyed the food, there in KK.

The lovely couple, Karmilla & Zain.

Bella (the sweet one), Fiqa (the devil in disguise), & Mira (the smart one)

The bugger love kids as much as I do, but apparently, the kids dont?

One out of billions of their AWW moments.

That pretty pelamin, my aunties, my uncles, cousins,and family did!

I was the door-gift girl.

My younger cousins, Nadiah & Sasha. (IGNORE OUR SAME HEIGHT) Grrr!

Zain, in sunglasses! :)

I had a chat with my bestfriend in KK but to tell you the truth, one night of three hours talking to her is not enough for me to catch up with her after 5 months, at all. I got sadder by the minute, with all the crazy stories she would tell me revolving her life. I realize that when you're experiencing the feelings of being on top of the world, your closest friends might experience the completely opposite from you, resulting in you not knowing whether to express your happiness, since you'd feel bad that it's going down the hill for them.

Besides work being a total pain in the brain, everything else seemed fine. Sweets said I have gained weight (thanks to my family's indirect plot of making me eat alot) after KK. For health reasons, sweets is trying to quit smoking. Regardless of any choices he makes/ made, I will always be there for him and with him. The intention to quit is as already so beautiful to me as what ever the results may be. I'm proud of him.

I tried my first Ramly Burger (yes I know, bitch slap me if you want to) the other day in USJ 3 and am in love with it now. Who's Ramly actually?


Friday, March 21, 2008


2.47 Am.

The baby sister is sleeping next to me, and the tv is purposely switched-on to accompany me. This feels more like writing a journal. It's personal and moody this time.

The unusual Jacqkie is talking, for at the moment I'm currently feeling a-bit, sad. I have so many things going through my mind, it saddens me to realize that in time, I wont have any more of my favourite things. Things will change and only I should and can reinforce the changes. I decided to put myself in a sacrificial mode, that things change because I want things for the better, and let it bloom from where I stopped.

I feel hopeless, and speechless of what people sees me as. I'm experiencing low-self esteem, still in disbelief, and really understood now what people meant by the three simple yet very true words, "You don't understand." Clearly, no one really gets what you mean, hurts more when you know no one, really no one, believes you.

I tried making sense of the things that happened to me, and why out of the hundreds- they chose me and not anyone else, but apparently still no one sees it as I do, so I gave up trying to make myself heard, kept my mouth shut when this rose, and consequently lost a part of my confidence along the way. I no longer have faith in what I do, feels like I'm on a leash and let people pull me.

Will things be different now, or will it be predictably the same? Feels like I'm in a never ending ferris wheel whenever this case is re-opened. No one really knows, worst- I've lost faith in me, I'm tired to argue.

Dear God, I beg you, please-please tell me that what's said is really what's meant and what's done is for the better. Give me fruitful results, I'm in great dissapointment, in where I thought what they see is what they'll get, but just realize it no longer works that way when other person is involved. I'll tweak myself - to fit the holes and hopes hard, that maybe it wont give me another dissapointment. Please.


Monday, March 17, 2008

Just 'cause, I'm free

I woke up at about 10.30AM or so and had Honey Stars for breakfast.

I looked around. I knew I'd be dead bored in the mornings, so I decided on Internet and goes back to sleep after that.

....I took the LRT to somewhere uncertain. I know I reached the place after 15 mins in the train. The place was windy, full of trees and as if it was coloured with pencil. It looked abit like a drawing you'd see in a gallery. I wasn't alone yet felt I was, there were no familiar faces at all.

Out of nowhere came a man with a funny expression on his face;

"Who wants to answer the next question?"
I was like "WTF?"
"Name me one type of a Monkey's Breed?"


With confidence, pure randomness and insanity- I friggin answered him "PUAKA!"

I felt like bitch-slapping my brain, due to my random answer. OMG. Then I saw, this one familiar face, a Malaysian actor (Mohd Idham, I think), giving me the "I believe in you.." look which I thought was unbelivably random as well, and screamed louder, "PUAKA!!!!"

The quizmaster pointed at me and said "Correct!"

My Counting Crows' ringtone woke me up, and scared the random shit out of me. I'm thinking, why the hell would I be dreaming about Monkeys, more over quizzes about them. Shitty random, I think I miss sweetsla.


Carol & I last Thursday before Maison.

Kerry: "You know what, I have a new rule, Jacqkie should only wear turtle necks to clubs!"


Sunday, March 16, 2008

I'm in KK

It started off with the Bazaar that proPassion Communications did last Tuesday and Wednesday. I swear to God, everyone did so awesome; everyone should be given a sponsored whole body massage. Seriously! This is what I had to do for two days:

“Hey, have you heard about proPassion Communications?”
“Okay! Now, I’m going to give you a lec…”

The guy walks away.

I’m beginning to bore my readers with my non-visual aids posts.

But what sweets did last Tuesday was too cute it’s a waste not to help you to imagine it. He joined a biting, I repeat, biting- an apple competition, and ended up winning first. I saw the crowd (…err, mine and his friends actually) rooting over him, cursed myself for not being able to join him, overjoyed when saw he won and got scared when heard, he took the competition a little bit too seriously that he swallowed the big-ass apple’s seed as well.

“…after I swallowed it kan, then I realized I feel a bit the funny la baby.”

I wanted to make the “You think?!” face with a little bit of the ghetto attitude but couldn’t because it was too funny and too cute to not appreciate it.

I’m sorry my posts have always been about him, it’s just most of my time now is spent with him. Seriously, I bet even my friends are secretly, okay… openly, disgusted at how infatuated we are with each other.

7.10-8.00: Breakfast & Friends & Sweets
9.45 (Class’ Transition): Sweets
12.00: Lunch & Friends & Sweets
3.00 (Class Transition): Sweets
5.00-10.00: Sweets
11.00-12.00 (In a call): Sweets

See, I told you.

I have yet to tell you guys about proPassion Communications. It’s a student’s consultancy and our semester is the starting line of the consultancy. Yes, we will have our own office, and yes, we will have real clients, and yes, we will have our own website linked by Taylor’s College’s main webpage. The management team will change after each term, but will still be completely run by the students themselves. Here,

I’m not a huge fan of politics, but honestly, Malaysian Politics nowadays rocked more than celebrity gossips okay.

They’re so juicy and so ironic at times, you just feel like making an E! alike magazine out of it, particularly this country’s assemblymen. And I mean all, not an ass from any different party can escape here. You guys really make news worth watching la.

And a miraculous thing happened; I’ve switched to Public Bus to go to college! *the Halleluyah song as background* I can take any kinds of public transport, except for bus but not anymore! Because who else, taught me how to. I’ve always thought public buses are the ride to afterlife. They drive so fast, stopped so abruptly and I bet you, if you’re one blur girl like… some people, you’d sure be rolling on the floor and there goes youth. That’s why I was scared. To save, RM140++, I’ll sacrifice myself.

Semester’s ending in a month’s time, and we will disperse to different places after that. Oh shit la, I’m so going to miss you guys.

I'm in KK now, the bugger's gonna wake up early in the morning for college, I miss him already.

*stomping feet like a 5 year old* AHHHH.


Sunday, March 02, 2008

So who you're voting la?

I shoved nasi campur, McD's Ice Cream, specifically Peanut Butter + Chocolate Waffles, Fries, Van Houten's Chocolate, Bubble Teas, Neslo Panas, Neslo Ais, more Neslo Panas, fried chicken, roti telur, curry puffs...

OMG. These few days have been radical. Not only have I been eating tons of funny food, I've also been doing some crazy things a.k.a rock climbing and not "sleeping at night by 11PM". I bet you, if I keep up with rock climbing every week I'm going to look like one of the Williams, Serena or Venus- your pick? But then again, with the rate I'm going with the food, I may just stuck this way. *makes angry face*

The doctor came last Friday to drop his things in my place before he's off to Johor. He gave me his matress, his (gilerbabisexynakmampus) black couch, collecting-dust guitar (yes, I was surprised too) and my all time favourite, his KITE. I must bold that word! When me and sweets saw it, I swear, we thought it was an IMU's Club flag, but laughed in disbelief when figured out it was a kite! I'm still wondering where a 23 year old boy would play with his kite there in Seremban. Enlighten me people.

Oh my mattress is about 20CM high now, added on top of my brother's, I feel like the Princess and the Pea, and my room looks exactly like a store-room but with speakers and springy bed. The sexy couch was stolen from me, and I had to take the old couch instead as a replacement. Grrr.

*looks at the couch*

My room is a store-room..........

I haven't wash my clothes, I havent finish up on Sedaris', I haven't clean up my room, I need to sleep more, talk to MAZIDAH, clubbing, and last but not least, watch more TV. This is serious, gratifications of media use are wiping out by the day. *sigh

Sweets is starting his boney-hard-ass uni tomorrow, I wish him all the best! :)