I just find out something disturbing today.

screw that. my weekend's not gonna be ruined because of it. no no, i still like him, it's just that i dont see him that much nowadays.

psst. if I could, I would avoid celebrities y'know, but since meeting and talking to them is sort of in the nature of my career, I kind-a have to. they can either melt you or dissapoint you. in my case, it's the inability to stop thinking about him. shit. shit. shit. and it's not Razif for goodness sake.

I sat there listening to my mp3 trying to ignore the whole world like i always do. I identified my college-mates but they were talking to each other and they didn't even gave me a glance. The train came, and I got in. Them too.

30 minutes later.

All of them were around 15cm from me. I could feel one of them breathing behind me. Gosh. How ironic it is when you see them in college and you dont even know they exist, but there you are standing together in an intimate proximity laughing at the same thing.

..and when the train door opens I just know, that's all the 30 minutes closeness I'll ever have with them despite the fact that I'm in the same college as them.

I dont know where the hell this nonsensical "state-of-mind" came from, but something tells me that I'm not liking my cold attitude. It's not that I want to be like this, it's just that there are so many things to think about and so many things to do, that I admit, I've become selfish in my own world.

I wouldn't say I'm alone, because I'm not. It's just, something, some-thing in me should be fixed.

I realized I've stopped hanging out with some people and it's deep-shit not cool. It's as if I dont care about them, but God knows I do. Selfish is just the word, I'd defend myself.

BTW, I've done something rather un-jacqkie today. I'll tell you when I see you! :D


I will be in Sabah on the 12th to the 19th of October, bought the ticket today.




Beth said…
oh yay youre going back!

u must be really happeh! ;)
jaycee said…
Although I've only known you for a few hours on that Tuesday night, I'm just curious to know what un-jacqkie thing u did... :-P
Jacqkie! said…
beth: yeah. you have no Idea how happy I am right now. Counting the days babey! raya! food! mummy! sisi! carrrrrr!

jc: erm... Let's just say it was brave of me to do that! contrary, I am very simple and laid-back. so, *weeeee* :)

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