Sun-Shiny Days!

It's annoying when you get all giggly and jumpy when he's around.
It's annoying when you get all shy and go space out thinking of him when in fact he's just right infront of you.
It's annoying when he notices you, when all you want at that moment in time is to be invisible and ironically entertain yourself of his anticipated presence.
It's much more annoying when you feel your somewhat vulnerable, thinking people could actually read your mind by thinking all that, and maybe just maybe so can he...

my oh my.

My crush case is getting worst. I'm beginning to fall head over heels for him. I dont know what's gotten into me and how the hell he got me. I need someone to tell me that it's stupidity to like someone you barely talk to. and let me crush into pieces now, show me signs and tell me that's his off limits and stop this nonsense at this instant! God please give me the heart-breaking signs now!

Instead, God gave me more opportunities and accidents to "voyeur" him..
I finally talked to him! It was something rather unexpected, but when the opportunity came, I grabbed hold on to it and really made the best out of it. I wish I could relive it, over and over and over again. Of course I stole a few glances of him, making sure I can bring it back to me when I want to again. *smiles*

He has the perfect height. Something about the way he talk is so humble yet so dreamy. He gave the world his smile so often, made me wonder does he ever really have sad faces behind all that. I will anticipate. He doesn't have the perfect posture, something about his posture, makes him, him. I couldn't even begin to describe his eyes. I admit one time looking at his eyes was all it takes to make me realize his existence. They were so beautiful even hidden under the glasses, once. I managed to see more of him than I expected. And no, it's absolutely nothing to be complaint of; Of course.

Before you begin judging me on looking at him on his exterior, I wont stop you. I admitted on falling for attraction, but if that really is truly what I'm looking for, I might just fall for the Tom, Dick & Harry walking around my college that depends on the skinny stick for their so-call "identification". For that, I assure you I really dont prowl on pretty faces to make me post this. That's never me.

He has more than that! Something I saw it myself and was not visualizing he would have it, and that actually made me think I am in the right shop.

He was determined, intelligent, humble, somewhat sophisticated but simple and more important, diligent. It scares me sometimes too on why I know of all this, about a man I barely see, barely talk to. If you were in my shoes, you would have known it's written all over his pathways and lines of his face and would jot it down like a stalker would. Unlikely, I remembered those things about him.

I tried hard persuading myself that it takes more than just glances and rare occasions of bumping into him that will make him realize me, in fact it takes a whole lot more than that. But somehow, I would fall mercilessly back to him. Hoping. Dreaming. Thinking. Questioning.

It's much more painful when you realized he does realize you. Smiled at you sometimes, hesitated like you as well. And always flashes the smile you've been dead-longing to see, every, single, time. It was as if he knew, but he played it so well that it's just much more disturbing. And waited for you to say something first, and when you do, he looked at you like you said something funny. Someone told me, when it comes to being impossible on reading his mind, he's special.

I wish once I was somewhat the prettiest girl in the bunch. So that he will notice me.

When I realized I dont want that!, because I want him to notice me for really am for me, my smiles and how I present myself, instead of my baggages, because hurting is just around the corner if I allow myself to join this way of thinking.

Someone asked me whether what I have on the inside is as good as the outside. I laughed, amused by the indirect compliment and asked him to stick around to explore me.

I then gave myself the thought, of why cant I reward myself for everything I've done to myself and am with a simple dreamy guy. Someone who would melt and sweep me off my feet everytime I see or talk to him.

Why Cant I?

That's the least a girl can reward herself; an ohh-so beautiful stranger.

..or maybe not-so.

Love,
Jacqkie.

Comments

Sir Paul Johns said…
Speechless yet very happy :)
Beth said…
Ah... it's so wonderful to be there.

I've been there too many times to know exactly how you feel. It sweeps you off your feet, take you breath away and rendes you helplessly infatuated.

Im so happy that you finally talked to him!

Hope there's more of these to come! ;)

hehe.
Jacqkie! said…
sir paul: i know. So am i!

beth: oh I sure hope more of these incidents to come as well. dearly!
-[sweei]- said…
ahhhhh,sweet sweet crushing. You're kind of crush is so deep man. Something i've neveer felt before. Would love to experience it though.

Wonder who this dream guy is. hehhee, don't worry, i won't make it obvious this time. *grins* I've learnt the art of steal glancing.. cehwahhhh, lol.

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