Sunday, September 16, 2007

It's that feeling

Bulan Puasa can be an icebreaker for me.

Oh! Before I forget, Selamat Berpuasa Muslimin & Muslimat semua. Hope you guys have a good one, and cant wait for raya! Friends!! Kuih Rayaaaa! Holidays!! Food!!

P.S: someone better bring me to their open house. hahaha. :P

I'd be buying lunch and people would stare at me. Most of the time I let them, because I know it's not any of their fault.

After I pay, they would tease me.

"Awalnyeerr buke posa dikkkk???"
"erm, saya bukan Muslim"
"...."
"..erm.. yea." *making the can-I-get-my-food-now face*
"..orang aperr?"

I brushed off the idea of explaining 'orang apa' I am. So i took the easy way out,

"Sabah."

Huge part of me couldnt forgive myself for liking my crush too much. I wonder does he ever really think of me the way I think of him. And I would answer myself, "of course not, you silly girl!" carve a frown and cover my face, sheepishly smiling to myself.

It's much more unforgivable when I go out with other guys but all I can see was him. How I wish it was him I'd talk to, how I'd wish he would be the one giving me the messages like these guys do. Yes, it's sad to know that I sometimes chose not to realize the people right in front of me. Oh Blardy! Why? It's a rhetorical question, so please dont tell me why by the way.

That it's either him or stay single for now, I made an agreement to myself. That's how much I like him. Come to think about it, there are some things about him that gets on my nerves, but just once, just once, I finally realize the decision and maybe the options are in my hands.

I knew the usual questions by close friends and family; of whether how much I like him, will determine how good he will be to me? As for that, I leave it to God.

I finished the Myth of You and Me. Sadly to say, the book reaffirm my standing on having a crush on this guy. It will stay until I see him cuddling or kissing with another girl. I will keep my feelings safe within me, dont worry.

I know my sister loves me! I know she really really does! She wouldn't say it at times but when I hug her goodbye before I leave for KL, she would show her all-teeth-showing smile. It's a smile I learn to know after all this while, representing either two; too happy or completely faking it. And of course, I know it's the second.

But she said I love you to me today in Friendster! Even in a form of letters and text, it touched me and made me realize how much I miss her, and how much things have sucked without her laughters and how easy it is to pack my bags and fly back to Sabah just to even get a glimpse of my baby 15year old sister. It's the three words that are said so often yet never enough for me!

A good looking man kept looking at me in church today. I looked at him hoping I was wrong, when his eyes caught mine and we both look away. I assume he thought I look familiar or just plain flirty. As usual, I ignored him completely after that. And saw my crush's face in the air. I smile to myself. Thinking, but he's all I want!

It's 10.50pm, instead of replying the important emails I chose to blog. Instead of reading other emails that are coming in, I chose to watch Britney's VMA performance. Instead of deciding what to wear tomorrow I decided to sleep straight away later. Instead of putting on my bedsheet I decided to put it tomorrow and will sleep on just the mattress tonight.

ahhh. It feels so good to procastinate once in a while. *stretching*

Love,
Jacqkie.

1 comment:

Beth said...

heheh sweet!

my 15 year old sis would never say "i love u" to my face... haha, but we big sisters, we just know ;)

haha kesian you bout the part people ask you about the puasa thing. People can be so judgmental sometimes. Typical malaysian no? Not being afraid to be sarcastic to strangers. waduh.