Friday, September 28, 2007

weirdness

I just find out something disturbing today.

screw that. my weekend's not gonna be ruined because of it. no no, i still like him, it's just that i dont see him that much nowadays.

psst. if I could, I would avoid celebrities y'know, but since meeting and talking to them is sort of in the nature of my career, I kind-a have to. they can either melt you or dissapoint you. in my case, it's the inability to stop thinking about him. shit. shit. shit. and it's not Razif for goodness sake.

I sat there listening to my mp3 trying to ignore the whole world like i always do. I identified my college-mates but they were talking to each other and they didn't even gave me a glance. The train came, and I got in. Them too.

30 minutes later.

All of them were around 15cm from me. I could feel one of them breathing behind me. Gosh. How ironic it is when you see them in college and you dont even know they exist, but there you are standing together in an intimate proximity laughing at the same thing.

..and when the train door opens I just know, that's all the 30 minutes closeness I'll ever have with them despite the fact that I'm in the same college as them.

I dont know where the hell this nonsensical "state-of-mind" came from, but something tells me that I'm not liking my cold attitude. It's not that I want to be like this, it's just that there are so many things to think about and so many things to do, that I admit, I've become selfish in my own world.

I wouldn't say I'm alone, because I'm not. It's just, something, some-thing in me should be fixed.

I realized I've stopped hanging out with some people and it's deep-shit not cool. It's as if I dont care about them, but God knows I do. Selfish is just the word, I'd defend myself.

BTW, I've done something rather un-jacqkie today. I'll tell you when I see you! :D

OMG.

I will be in Sabah on the 12th to the 19th of October, bought the ticket today.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Love,
Jacqkie.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

One Night With Phunk

Life has been extremely busy this week. If i could close my eyes and force my self to rest my head, I can still visualize those moments where I was practically running around and carrying things, and I could actually listen; every part of my body moaning in pain. I kesian my body u know. Since Project Phunk is finally over and I can now tilt my head and rest, I have to say I have learnt alot of things these couple of weeks:

a) If i were given a chance, I dont think I ever want to be a celebrity. Even not being famous!

b) I find people who stick to their religion "rules and teachings" very... irresistible!

c) I dont think i'm going for attraction anymore. Somehow personality always makes me smile first. *blushes*

d) I dont think I want to like my crush anymore, he seems so Friend-ish. So single it is?

e) Rude people should be vacuumed from this Earth. I just feel like shoving my foot to their mouth and wish they'll go dumb and deaf, while I'm at it. *makes irritated face*

f) I finally allow myself to gossip. Not all the time, but I gossip now with limitations and "facts"! It's not a good thing but at least I dont have to tell myself I should be nice anymore! :D

g) Guilty is the shit-tiest most heart-eating feeling ever. You can die from it y'know!

h) I dont think I ever want to date rock-ers as well. They're just not my type.

i) My close friends are seriously awesome, they accepted me for whoever I am and they seriously understood the line between work and play.

j) I'm glad I'm the Assistant Project Manager yo!

k) If you hang out with celebrities long enough, you will start talking to yourself, and you will be much careful with your choice of words while you were talking to yourself. Haha.

l) I finally liked A Local Act. JOHNATAN CHEN! *drools*

Okay maybe I didn't learn all these in a couple of weeks, maybe this week. Yala-yala, I've learnt all this in one night last night. Dang it.

Here are some of the pics that I took. I was damn kao-kao busy, I dint even know where my camera, handphone and wallet and everything that night okayyyyy. It was all over the place!

Oh wait, I WAS ALL OVERR THE PLACE!

I took this while Razif was doing his script.
I'm proud of my hard-working Phunkers.
..More Phunkers who've worked their ass off.
Goodie bags and prizes! Satu prize pun I din get :( Mr. Christien New, Hottest Husband by FEMALE (Aug 2007)
He's so talkative, so friendly and so energetic. Menghairankan.
Ms. Lavin Seow, Runner Up Miss Malaysia World.
Razif Hashim! The emcee and my boss for the night!
Johnatan Chen was AWESOME and super nice! He rocked my heart awayyy!
DJ BadBoyBen, awesome music and a super super nice guy!

A million thanks to those who've come and supported One Night With Phunk. I wish I could hug you and kiss your hand to thank you guys, but i'm damn shy to do that, so a simple thank you would be suffice. Haha.

Everyone to anyone, who not only just come and take a look but asked us questions to just being there standing around. Seriously, thank you.


I appreaciate it. Weeeee! CPM 07 is done!

Love,
Jacqkie.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Have A Nice Day!

I. Must. Tell. You. What. Happened.

It's one of those days that everything happened perfectly at its times.

I woke up this morning, washed my clothes (yes, instead of last night) had lunch and watch some Friends. I decided to go to Section 14 (around 15 minutes walk from my house) to look for Audrey's birthday present.

I reached Jaya. Saw a couple of sales executives; damn I thought. I followed this bunch of girls from behind. They were approached by the Sales Executives. I on the other hand, managed to escape. Phew!

..So I decided on Audrey's present after 20 minutes contemplating whether she'll like it or not. I went up to the counter and the girl asked me whether I have the Popular member card. I answered no. A middle-aged guy overheard us:

Nice Guy: Hey, I got the Popular Member card. Can I borrow it to her?
Me: ...Hey. Thank you?
Nice Guy: No worries. I dont really use it all the time anyway.
Me: :)

*after paying*

Me: Thanks again Sir.
Nice Guy: Oh, dont worry about it.
Me: Have a nice day sir.
Nice Guy: (raise one eyebrow and smile) ...you too.

I have a feeling he didn't expected those words coming from me.

and I'm glad I said it!

So I went down to Guardian. I walk pass by this hot Indian guy when I was about to go to the payment counter. Apparently he was about to pay at the same time as well. I was stupidly annoyingly slightly nervous of course. I paid my stuff and guess what?

I left the plastic bag there!

*Slapshead*

The cashier called me and pointed the plastic bag. The guy looked at me and gave a casual 'oh'. I even forgot the balance! I took the money from the cashier's hand and *ka-ching!* all the coins dropped from my hand!

The coins were all over the floor! At that moment in time I just feel like running because ohhh-viously I was nervous around that guy!

He was so nice, he picked up the coins for me, and guess what! It took him a-while! hahahaha. When he gave it to me, he looked nervous as well! When I said Thank You, he didnt even looked at me okay!

So I left Guardian with a little tingle and a huge smile.

I came out from Jaya and saw all the sales executives again. This time, they were talking to this huge family. again, saved! Phew!

As I went out feeling great for a nice day so far, I heard my favourite song played on the radio! I immediately identified the intro guitar from Uncle Kracker's Follow Me, remembered the good ol' days, and I was so much happier than before !

I was walking and a car hon me from behind. I looked. It's my neighbour! He rolled down the window and asked me whether I'm going back home, because...

He can send me!

Of course! I replied. I went in, indulged in the air cond and music. I reached home and he ended the conversation with "Have A nice Day!"

I smiled to myself understanding now how sweet and impactful that 4 words can be. I said the same thing and waved him goodbye.

:)

It's only 3PM now and tonight I'll be going to Audrey's Birthday Party.

It's not wrong to assume that this day is just a good karma for me right?

With that, I do hope you'll Have a Nice Day!

Love,
Jacqkie.

Friday, September 21, 2007

I miss mummy

Ah, what I just did was pure sin. I just ate a whole zinger burger, a regular cheezy wedges, 6 pieces of nuggets and galloped a regular cup of 7up.

I suggest no more junk food!....

until october. hahahahahaha.

Anyway. It's a Friday night and I have absolutely no plans at all. If doing Laundry and Sleeping in all night is a plan then I guess, I have big plans tonight. (SAD CASE)

This world's been crazy sick, I dont understand it anymore. The young girl that was raped (with cucumber & brinjal) and was murdered, seriously bothered me. It's at times like these that I question God mercilessly. I will pray for her and her family.

Today was slightly sad and disturbing for me as well. My lecturer showed me the Petronas Advertisement for Last Year's Raya and my friend next to me broke to tears and me, almost to tears, as well. I was holding up so hard I didnt want to have another mass tear-ings anymore. and this some of you might know what I mean.

That commercial made me realize never will I treat my mum alike, or any elderly in this case like that- ever. I have respected the elders ever since young and I would never ever steal their humility and pride for being there so far- ever ever like the stupid idiot rude husband in the commercial.

And to a man, who were rude today. He was talking about other people, but was using very very offensive words, with just the tone of his voice; he completely ruined my day. In case you were wondering, rudeness to me is so old-fashioned already.

My big 19 is coming up. I am saving money to buy things for me-self, no worries I wont even tell you when's my birthday because only close family and close friends knows about it and I guess thats all that matters.

Mummy called me early in the morning today and told me to book tickets to go back Sabah if I could for Raya with abang. I was surprised and shouted!!, everyone in the bus looked at me!

I'm still not confirm yet though. If there's available seats then I might be going back home. I've always believe if it's full, then let it be, (The Muslims) that really wants to go celebrate with their family, can take my place.

Whatever it is, if i'm not going back home, I'm going to be one blardy-freaking-kaokao sad intern during my internship. *fingers crossed*

Love,
Jacqkie.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Click on Project Phunk's link!

I've received alot of stares lately.

I dont even know how to differentiate whether it's the good stare or the bad stare. And this is not even when I'm eating or drinking during bulan Ramadhan!

I. just. dont. know. why.

I feel like Project Phunk has sucked all the energy in my body. I was dragging myself early in the morning during the official launch and looked stoned for an hour or so. I practiced the script. I shook my head and visualized the people that will fill up the auditorium. Daym, I thought!

...Everything was completely worth it! the hundreds of people pouring in, compliments the Phunkers received, the valuable support, the laughters we shared with them, I would't trade it with anything in the world! (...Okay-okay maybe Lots and lots of Margaritas)

Will post up the pictures once I got it. If anything, please click on the Project Phunk's link. Thank you from the bottom of my heart who've helped us so far. Seriously, Thank You.

So, I'll say it's a date with you in Laundry Bar this Tuesday, 25th September? :)

P.S: I still like him. After the stupidity and 'Legally Blonde' trips and stutters, I still go mellow over him. Shiet, I hate myself for that.

Love,
Jacqkie.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Current mode: Feeling Stupid & Exremely Shy

stupid. stupid. you. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. should. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. not. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. have. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. talked. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. to. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. him. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. now. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. he. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. will. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. remember. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. you. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.
stupid. stupid. like. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. REALLY!. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.

Love,
Jacqkie.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

It's that feeling

Bulan Puasa can be an icebreaker for me.

Oh! Before I forget, Selamat Berpuasa Muslimin & Muslimat semua. Hope you guys have a good one, and cant wait for raya! Friends!! Kuih Rayaaaa! Holidays!! Food!!

P.S: someone better bring me to their open house. hahaha. :P

I'd be buying lunch and people would stare at me. Most of the time I let them, because I know it's not any of their fault.

After I pay, they would tease me.

"Awalnyeerr buke posa dikkkk???"
"erm, saya bukan Muslim"
"...."
"..erm.. yea." *making the can-I-get-my-food-now face*
"..orang aperr?"

I brushed off the idea of explaining 'orang apa' I am. So i took the easy way out,

"Sabah."

Huge part of me couldnt forgive myself for liking my crush too much. I wonder does he ever really think of me the way I think of him. And I would answer myself, "of course not, you silly girl!" carve a frown and cover my face, sheepishly smiling to myself.

It's much more unforgivable when I go out with other guys but all I can see was him. How I wish it was him I'd talk to, how I'd wish he would be the one giving me the messages like these guys do. Yes, it's sad to know that I sometimes chose not to realize the people right in front of me. Oh Blardy! Why? It's a rhetorical question, so please dont tell me why by the way.

That it's either him or stay single for now, I made an agreement to myself. That's how much I like him. Come to think about it, there are some things about him that gets on my nerves, but just once, just once, I finally realize the decision and maybe the options are in my hands.

I knew the usual questions by close friends and family; of whether how much I like him, will determine how good he will be to me? As for that, I leave it to God.

I finished the Myth of You and Me. Sadly to say, the book reaffirm my standing on having a crush on this guy. It will stay until I see him cuddling or kissing with another girl. I will keep my feelings safe within me, dont worry.

I know my sister loves me! I know she really really does! She wouldn't say it at times but when I hug her goodbye before I leave for KL, she would show her all-teeth-showing smile. It's a smile I learn to know after all this while, representing either two; too happy or completely faking it. And of course, I know it's the second.

But she said I love you to me today in Friendster! Even in a form of letters and text, it touched me and made me realize how much I miss her, and how much things have sucked without her laughters and how easy it is to pack my bags and fly back to Sabah just to even get a glimpse of my baby 15year old sister. It's the three words that are said so often yet never enough for me!

A good looking man kept looking at me in church today. I looked at him hoping I was wrong, when his eyes caught mine and we both look away. I assume he thought I look familiar or just plain flirty. As usual, I ignored him completely after that. And saw my crush's face in the air. I smile to myself. Thinking, but he's all I want!

It's 10.50pm, instead of replying the important emails I chose to blog. Instead of reading other emails that are coming in, I chose to watch Britney's VMA performance. Instead of deciding what to wear tomorrow I decided to sleep straight away later. Instead of putting on my bedsheet I decided to put it tomorrow and will sleep on just the mattress tonight.

ahhh. It feels so good to procastinate once in a while. *stretching*

Love,
Jacqkie.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Sun-Shiny Days!

It's annoying when you get all giggly and jumpy when he's around.
It's annoying when you get all shy and go space out thinking of him when in fact he's just right infront of you.
It's annoying when he notices you, when all you want at that moment in time is to be invisible and ironically entertain yourself of his anticipated presence.
It's much more annoying when you feel your somewhat vulnerable, thinking people could actually read your mind by thinking all that, and maybe just maybe so can he...

my oh my.

My crush case is getting worst. I'm beginning to fall head over heels for him. I dont know what's gotten into me and how the hell he got me. I need someone to tell me that it's stupidity to like someone you barely talk to. and let me crush into pieces now, show me signs and tell me that's his off limits and stop this nonsense at this instant! God please give me the heart-breaking signs now!

Instead, God gave me more opportunities and accidents to "voyeur" him..
I finally talked to him! It was something rather unexpected, but when the opportunity came, I grabbed hold on to it and really made the best out of it. I wish I could relive it, over and over and over again. Of course I stole a few glances of him, making sure I can bring it back to me when I want to again. *smiles*

He has the perfect height. Something about the way he talk is so humble yet so dreamy. He gave the world his smile so often, made me wonder does he ever really have sad faces behind all that. I will anticipate. He doesn't have the perfect posture, something about his posture, makes him, him. I couldn't even begin to describe his eyes. I admit one time looking at his eyes was all it takes to make me realize his existence. They were so beautiful even hidden under the glasses, once. I managed to see more of him than I expected. And no, it's absolutely nothing to be complaint of; Of course.

Before you begin judging me on looking at him on his exterior, I wont stop you. I admitted on falling for attraction, but if that really is truly what I'm looking for, I might just fall for the Tom, Dick & Harry walking around my college that depends on the skinny stick for their so-call "identification". For that, I assure you I really dont prowl on pretty faces to make me post this. That's never me.

He has more than that! Something I saw it myself and was not visualizing he would have it, and that actually made me think I am in the right shop.

He was determined, intelligent, humble, somewhat sophisticated but simple and more important, diligent. It scares me sometimes too on why I know of all this, about a man I barely see, barely talk to. If you were in my shoes, you would have known it's written all over his pathways and lines of his face and would jot it down like a stalker would. Unlikely, I remembered those things about him.

I tried hard persuading myself that it takes more than just glances and rare occasions of bumping into him that will make him realize me, in fact it takes a whole lot more than that. But somehow, I would fall mercilessly back to him. Hoping. Dreaming. Thinking. Questioning.

It's much more painful when you realized he does realize you. Smiled at you sometimes, hesitated like you as well. And always flashes the smile you've been dead-longing to see, every, single, time. It was as if he knew, but he played it so well that it's just much more disturbing. And waited for you to say something first, and when you do, he looked at you like you said something funny. Someone told me, when it comes to being impossible on reading his mind, he's special.

I wish once I was somewhat the prettiest girl in the bunch. So that he will notice me.

When I realized I dont want that!, because I want him to notice me for really am for me, my smiles and how I present myself, instead of my baggages, because hurting is just around the corner if I allow myself to join this way of thinking.

Someone asked me whether what I have on the inside is as good as the outside. I laughed, amused by the indirect compliment and asked him to stick around to explore me.

I then gave myself the thought, of why cant I reward myself for everything I've done to myself and am with a simple dreamy guy. Someone who would melt and sweep me off my feet everytime I see or talk to him.

Why Cant I?

That's the least a girl can reward herself; an ohh-so beautiful stranger.

..or maybe not-so.

Love,
Jacqkie.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

No easy access!

Dear J,

Could you not make friends with my friend just because you want other people's number? I felt like cekik-ing you when I got the 411 about you, because before, my friend thought you liked her. I have experienced the same thing, and she said it's blardy irritating you know, and yes I know, because I too have felt that as I've mentioned earlier.

You dont ask everyone of us to follow you go lepak at 2am when all you really want is to bring me out. Dahlah, you barely speak to me at all, and all you did was talked to my friend, how in the world would i have the slightest idea that you have that crush on me?

Malu tak malu of you, I dont care. Because if it involves my friend feeling abit perasan-ish and me and my other friend supporting kao-kao the idea that you liked her, is sooo on top of the world not cool okay. We felt like we made her perasan even more, which is yea, we totally did. *slaps-head*

Yes you did muttered a few words to me, to be exact two words i think, like "awak?" and "aah." which I admit I dont remember what it was for actually, bottom line is, you can talk to the girl's friend you want to ask for their phone number, but not try and make friends with them first, being friendly and funny and ask them their number and all which is also a synonym with flirt, and then tell them you like the other girl, when all of their friends soo thought you like the girl you talk to and layan-ing all along! *phew-exhale*

we all feel so kejam you know? so kejam and shitty guilty man for making things worst for her perasan-ish.

And no, I dont give my numbers through my friends. Please do ask me driectly next time and if I said no, I'm just so sorry. * cough-not interested-cough*

I'm beginning to fall madly in love with Hacchoo by the way. I sayang her so much you know. Everytime I sleep in my room, she'd struggle going into my room through the window and sleep next to me. She'll play with my hair and play with Patrick too. She's also my alarm sometimes, she'll wake me up exactly around 6am to get ready for class. She's no longer Hacchoo-ing around. I guess she's no more sick. Wee!

Oh! We celebrated my cousin's birthday yesterday. 4 hours in the Karaoke Room can make you go blind and deaf (more of you want it to) I tell you. Especially when you cant differentiate was it the guys voices' sounded like females or the other way round. Damn cute lar they all. Anyway, we had so much fun, so much cake (die-die-die) and so much more second hand smoke! :(

To Jenny and Priscilla, Although you are so gonna kill me for putting up the blurb above, i'll cool you off with a bit more sentimental approach;

Thank you so much for everything you've done for me. From scolding me asking me to clean up my room to just literally really did clean up my room and practically made me worried for days where my stuffs were gone. Not any housemates in the world are perfect, and I mean our own family members as well. But we've shared our ups and downs and most importantly, shared our rent and payments together (grinss..)! I love you guys so much. You guys are the closest resemblance to my family in Sabah and I wouldn't want to trade that with anyone in the world.


Love,
Jacqkie.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Shh please!

My girlfriend Stephie came from Pahang for the weekend and boy did we had so much fun! Despite the fact that she missed her bus on Sunday and had to come back all the way from Pudu to PJ, and scare the shit out of me, everything was as perfect as I thought and hoped it could be.

Oh i've missed talking to her about them and the occasional sensational conversations of who's dating who (we call it networking by the way), which only my girlfriends, I feel so comfortable talking to with.

The clock showed almost 4am but we both showed no signs of stopping although the whole day walking in the Masjid Jamek area totally desiccated us. Talking about how our other friends are falling head over heels for their partners at this moment in time and why we're not a part of the group. Oh yes, it's the usual boy-talk again in my post, which mind you I dont give a blah of what you think, but just oh it's just so syok to talk about them creatures, no? If Lisa Loeb can have a TV series about them and get away with it, why cant I?

As I was saying, Stephie and I have taken an "oath" that we should not let nice guys take control over us, infact, we should get who we want in what way we want. yes, Stephie may be attracted to the kao-kao religious guys (think talking about christianity and dedicate him self to serving God) who be a mighty turn on for her, me on the other hand..

*cricket-sounds*

I recall the moment I noticed or realized I'd say of the fact that it's the attraction I'm most looking for at this time, it was at, the church. We have our reasons if you may ask? Anyway!

I came and took a seat behind these three men who seemed decent, but I couldnt care less of course because I had never taken the chance to take a second look at men, sometimes (oh I know, pelik tapi benar). My cousin told me that the man infront of me was somewhat hot. Of course that's what usually girls do, if you are surprised by this. I gave her the usual "hm.." and of course didn't expect to care more and of course trying to concentrate on the sermon (ahem).

Until it was during the "Peace Be with You" time where we basically smiled and nod to everyone around us, and oh this is when the magic happened!, he turned his body, no no, not a simple head turn but a 180 degree turn which I might add, strange for a simple nod and smile thingy, he gave me a smile and a look that totally, totally totally... blew me away. I was so gone after the nod and smile. so gone. *blushes*

As usual, I would stay in church until the last hymnn finishes and sometimes would even help them to arrange the chairs. And there he was putting up the chairs along with me. In addition, he was the only young man, or err adult? doing what he did. I was like "this guy must be trippin'. He cant be the that nice." Regardless, he has taken my breath away and the next thing I know he's on a reality tv show. *makes sad face*. My cousin didnt thought he was cute actually, I on the other hand still was drooling over him at that time, I admitted that he got me from the moment he looked and smiled at me.

And I brushed him off immediately. Okay, maybe not immediately but I eventually did. Yea! What I'm trying to say is, I've had enough of nice guys. Yes they're nice people. But at this point in my life (have I mentioned I'm only 19 and not that complicated?) I want something I want! and yes, not a celebrity (they're so self-centred sometimes-which is in their job description i think). Thanks to The Notebook who actually "encouraged" me to notice attraction now, too.

I'll tell you a secret. At this time, I have a crush. A real crush on a guy. Although I may not see him that often (you can sigh now my college friends) but it was at one occasion that made me realize i see him in more ways than one. I was sitting around watching them talking when I saw something in him. He was beautiful. No seriously, he is. I asked my friend and she was like, "he's okay." At the back of my mind I was like, he's not okay! he's *doink-chick-aboom* gorgeous! And I realized, it's just me who saw him that way! And it's just me who read between the lines of his face and laughters and attitude! I think lar.

Few weeks passed, and I realized he's crush-worthy as Katherine Heigl would say. He's super nice, very humble, super hard-working, and *drumrolls* single! Nothing more turn off then a man with a girlfriend (of course, of course). I'll be sticking around crushing over him (sounds like nothing better to do pular, oh well) until I move on and dissapointed of the progress-less relationship I have with him, I have noticed him.

This is when I admit, of not knowing what to do next. And please dont tell me;

a) Try talking to him. (because I did, and he made a cute joke, which I cant remember what, because i was drunked-out by his voice and smile- *grins*).
b) Try talking to his friends. (because I did, and he was there smiling and laughing at his friend, and really was being so corteous he didnt interrupted- *slapshead*)
c) Try asking for his phone number and ask him outlah (because I WILL NEVER IN THIS LIFETIME DO THAT UNLESS I'M DRUNK AS bwitney nowadays)
d) or maybe, smile at him. (because I cant and dont know how to!, the whole point of me crushing on him is because I'm shy around him, right?)
e) ask my friend to introduce both of us (I bet the next thing I know, he'll be avoiding me because he finally knows I like him, *closes face with hands*)

How can I grow from such situations without embarassing myself people?

Merdeka Celebration with Stephie!

I told Audrey and Sway about it; I dont know if this is a pickup line, but by far this is the strangest pickup line, or maybe just a line I have ever heard.

"I'm from Ipoh, coming with my friends here."
"I see, where are you guys staying?"
"That's why, I dont have house, can I go home with you tonight?- *make big eyes puppy face*"
"hahahahahahha, that is so naughty of you. No. *widen eyes and left him*"

Love,
Jacqkie.