Sunday, August 19, 2007

one sweet day

If you've read my previous post, you would have known what kind of position I'm in.

***

The noises outside my room woke me up. I walk out, saw the time. It was 10. Decided to put my clothes into the dryer. I took the toothbrush. Brushed my teeth and gave myself a smile.

Still, not a sincere one. I couldn't help thinking about my post. Was i being such a cry baby for posting it for the whole world to see? Regardless, I posted it already. and I'm never a cry-baby, I confirmed it. It's just a therapy, Jacqkie. Give yourself a break.

I know almost all my posts are hillarious, it's just not right but It's never wrong either. I just thought it would be a big fat lie, hypocrite and selfish of you, if you haven't given yourselves somethings to think about and not to educate people about it, by not blogging your emotions and experiences. Instead just the hillarious moments, like what I do best and most.

I grabbed The Notebook. Switched the TV on. I dont want to watch it. But i switched it on nevertheless, because noises comforts me at this solitary times.

I waved them goodbye realizing i'm literally alone again. I kept on reading The Notebook allowing myself to forget my worries and responsibilities for a while. The book made me realize I'm luckier at this time for not having the significant other to add on my mind. LiteFM is everything I needed, completely depending on it and despised MTV at that moment in time.

I looked at Patrick. Glad I bought him last night. I am a cheapskate or a smart shopper some may call it, for not buying cute things that tingle you, but Patrick I cant resist and with those weeks I've travelled, I thought I deserved something "cute".

I repainted my nails. Sat down, relaxed my head, tranquiled on the couch. Coffee on the table, after weeks of avoiding pure caffeine. I broke into tears. again. Sometimes, I cried at random times. I close my eyes, and saw my trailmarks in life. Thinking, this is the path I've chosen, and this is the path I'll stick to. and this is the path I'll excel, my own way.

As I've told and believed myself; there's no superhero with powers. But there's a hero. The simpler one, who've touched people's lives whether they realized it or not, people aren't dependent on them but wants one in life. Boldly, I think one of them is me.

A celebrity hero once told me, "Giving up isn't about being strong all the time. It's about moving on after a defeat with a great enthusiasm." For that, I've fallen for Magicians more than superheroes. David Blaine, you somehow inspired me.

I shook my head. Looking at what I'm reading. Work. Work. Work. It's amazing how realistic I can be, and these traits are from my mum. Who've single handedly raised us after all these years. But talking to them needs strength too. I couldn't spill everything. Because, what's there to spill?

I barely know how to distinct my thoughts and don't even know where to begin.

I will go out tonight. Do the necessary things to get myself on beat again. Get myself busy with abang, cousins, friends and work. Appreciate more the things I've always appreciate in life. Constantly reminding myself what I'm here for. Believing and empowering my faith, for everything begins and ends with Him.

Last but not least, to smile and breathed, sincerely, again.

Ohh, I love you mummy, abang, and ika, all my family near and far, and my friends who've been my second family in KL. I love you guys so much! :) Thank you, just for every-little thing!


Love,
Jacqkie.

1 comment:

DeGiRL said...

*HUGS*