Diaries

I think it was around 1.00am last night that i decided to go to bed and sleep as i was freaking tired already. I put down my phone on the table, and... saw the drawer.

If you are wondering what in the world is "the drawer"; it's the drawer where i put all my diaries. Yes, ALL my diaries. For your information, i've been writing diaries since i was as young as 7years old. does that mean i'm a lonely sad child or does that mean i have alot of secrets? enlighten me. Anyway, i was freaking exhausted, somehow i just couldnt say no to reading my old diaries. I think it's a great entertainment reading diaries and reincarnating the past in your head.

For your information, i have around 15diaries in 19years of my life. I decided to open my Form 2 and Form 3 diaries. Not only was it hilarious, it was also very sad and very romantic. See, i began having "boy problems" since i was 13 years old. I used to remember how hard i tried to hide it from mum, but she eventually knows about it when i was in Form 3.

I will share with you some of my very precious moments that i read yesterday; I have some very famous and infamous boyfriends. Charmer to my friends. Treated my sister very well, and well- also those who didnt make it that far. I remember one time, i was suppose to date with this one guy, unfortunately, i didnt like him at all. As we all know, during high school, "date" means bringing 3 or 4 of your other friends along. Basically, i was attracted to my other friend instead of him. All that time, when i was "supposedly" be dating with this guy, i couldnt help but noticing this friend of mine instead. *shakes head*

Next thing i know. he's my boyfriend. teruknya aku. anyway, the other guy that liked me, became my boyfriend after months of trying. i broke up with the boyfriend i mentioned just now earlier. i think we went out for 3 months. and i finally gave the guy who really really liked me the chance. at first, i didnt really know whether it was pity, but as days go by, i realized it was instinct. i trusted in my decision and he turned out to be great. he thought i was really pretty and nice. i was surprised when he told me that. do you know how hard it was to look pretty with my exotic look and braces? everything was great. well, that was until i knew "something" about him. so we broke up and moved on with life.

since his school was NEXT to my school, and when i say next, i mean 10 metres away, forgetting your boyfriend of almost 2years isnt exactly as easy as eating candy. if i look straight i'll see his friend, if i look left i'll see him. If i look back i'll see his other friend. basically, i can make a 360 degree circle- the people that connects me to him is STILL everywhere. got it?

I eventually moved on with the help of my girlfriends. it takes good friends to forget a guy, but it takes BEST FRIENDS and my sister to bitch-talk about the great-guy-who-turned-out-jerk you dated. Things i regretted was to make friends with his friends. His friends seemed to like me at first. Some of his friends REALLY LIKED ME. i didnt realized that back then; young boys are a bunch of brag and show offs, until, i heard that he gave my pics away to his friend that liked me. I WAS PISSED OFF. i even heard that he even sold some of my pics. Thankfully, none of my pics are "fulfilling". Either i'm in a simple jeans and shirt, simple top or baju sekolah. *wipes sweat* but still! you dont just give around or sell off people's pics right?

there's this one time a guy told my friend he likes me, but he told me he likes my friend instead. and one time, i hated this friend because he told my other friend i liked him. when in fact, I DID NOT. drama okay? and as usual, when this happened, we stopped contacting each other.

and and and! do you know that i have the patience of an angel? i can tahan a crazy psycho boyfriend for almost a year? and, i'm a flirt when i was in high school. oh my gosh man! ohyea and that i did something horrible to my exboyfriend's friend? and i pissed the good friend of mine by telling her boyfriend she's going out with her exboyfriend? and i when i was 15, i had this 5years older secret admirer that had been calling my house everyday for almost a year, and up until today i still dont know who he was? heh. and, i gave up on my exboyfriends when i was still with them? did you know that? no right.

well, yeah. i did all that, and i was all that. yes, judge me if you must. but that was about 4-5 years ago. i am nothing like that now. not even a bit. infact i started to change when i was in form 3. it was also because of my boyfriend back then. heh. but bear in mind, i never cheated, stole or even flirt with anyone when i was in a relationship. i was only a flirt when i was single.

I wont comment on the two boyfriends i dated after him. It's not in my form 2 or form 3 diary that i read last night. Plus, it's TOO "graphic" to begin with. That was when i know what relationship really means. patience, tolerance, understanding came full force in the picture.

Oh boy. I have always thought i'm one whacked up kid. But i personally think, it's when you're in A relationship when things start to change. Especially, you. I have always thought that it's stupid of me to go trough all these. but not anymore. I regret nothing of my past.


Do you know that those experiences are PRICELESS? instead of listening from people about these kind of stories and thinking i should have tried dating this guy and bla bla bla, I AM THE ONE TELLING IT. you know? it's what adolescent looked like to me. i was in the journey of finding myself by making mistakes and taking chances. i may not know that then, but i definitely know it now. not that i'm very much wiser and older now, of course not. am still learning just like you.

ps; My cheeks hurt like shit. my brother cant seem to refrain himself from pinching my cheeks. blardy heck. AND. i'm beginning to like Snow Patrol. the latest single wowed me. weeee!


Love,
Jacqkie.

Comments

DeGiRL said…
haha! yeah!! i so totally agree with tht.. my being in a relationship taught me a lesson.. i really dont regret it.. haha! U go gal!
ItoMaki said…
I've never been in a serious relationship so I can't like empathize with you, but good for you girl! XD Hehehe, I don't read my old diaries but I do look at my old artworks, hehe it's nostalgia and you realise how much you grew up since those times.
Kibeth said…
okay jacqkie, this is my cue to say, yet again, OMG IM A DIARY PERSON TOO!!!!!

AND OMG THE freakiest bit is that i started as 7 too!!!

AAAAaaaaaAAA!!!

So scary how we seem to be so connected huh?

and yea, relationships teach you a lot, some makes you stronger, some makes you mellow a bit.

Sigh... miss those days. ;)
jacqkie said…
de: yeah. never regret anything about the past. it helps!

itomaki: yeah. past can be really interesting sometimes yea?

kibeth: wow! another freaky similarity!

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