i survived the scary 'jungle'!

CONGRATULATIONS TO.......

ME!

I want to personally thank Caroline Chia my dahling, Mazidah my dahling and Chee Hang (yes you! ) who have been very much supportive and helpful to me this couple of days. I must say 50% of the self-indulge/ forgiving and rewarding and bitching that i needed the most was contenting and very relaxing because of you three. You know what i mean, and i hope whatever i tell you, may you keep it to yourself and learn a lesson from it.

I have been struggling very hard with everything. My studies, my social life, my obligations, my duty and even my attitude. It was a surprise to see myself in the mirror the other day losing to intolerant and inconsiderate people. Felt like my heart was broken into pieces and i thought i was strong enough to cry it to myself but i guess i wasnt and thanks to the three people i mentioned above, they made me realize it's only natural to lose it sometimes and encourage me to forget about what's happened. the damage is done, and there's nothing i can do to scratch the huge scar but learn from it.

To chee hang, yeah i'm giving you the unwanted publicity you hate, but i seriously need to thank you for being the person i can bitch with and you so know how i wanted to bitch about it. You actually put a smile on my face and make me sayang you even more. *hugs- I DONT CARE IF YOU ARE ANTI-SOCIAL* ;p I know i dont know you well, but sometimes an ear is better than an old friend who knows nothing.

To Carol, you have been the best listener and you have given me your point of views that are nothing but true. I will take your word for it and learn from the stupidity of other people. Because of you i gossip like no body's bussiness for a day. It was the best thing ever, because i have been very gentle and discreet about everything and you know my attitude of suppresing everything to myself. Some call it hypocrite but you know me better. I can just tell you whats on my mind without pushing myself too hard to be the "good and nice" me i have always thought i am.

To Mazidah, i know i see you rarely but there's something about talking to you makes me feel better. it was also weird to know that most of the things that happened in your life happened at the exact same time it happened to me. I can relate to you. I'm sorry i had to blurt out everything to you the other day without warning, thats because you have seen the loser side of me- which was giving up. Some people see me as a strong young girl, which i had to carry out in front of people ever since. i am strong but at times, i just need to bitch like anyone else too :)

Now i wanna congratulate myself for being this strong, though i lost it but i got up and actually manage to put an honest smile on my face yesterday. It's official now, that no one is better than me because i actually know what i have gone through. I actually know that i have been put to the devil's cage, tiger's nest, floods and more to come- and survived with only scratches on me to remind me where i have been and the lesson i should learn from it. I always thought that being strong is scary but not when people told me that i am actually sweet, with the heart of gold and with the spirit of a soldier.

Last but not least, i Thank mummy, my sister and my brother who have always believed in me and my capability. The advises and encouragement they gave me are priceless and i wouldnt want to trade it with anything in the world. Their advises, encouragements and help brought me to where i am and mould me the way i am now.

Now i know what i'm made of. sorry to say but i personally think i'll go farther than you if you're still not learning anything from this post.

Love,
Jacqkie.