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Showing posts from 2007

i want to sleep

It's 2.20AM.

...and I cant believe I voluntarily inserted the Trance/ Rave/ House CD in. I'm in desperate need to stay awake, I pray to God that this kind of music will help me.

It kinda did.

I have millions of work to do and I'm not even halfway there. The slavemaster will be around tomorrow after her holidays from Dubai, and I'm not so sure what will happen if I'm not done with my work by 9.30am this morning. I'll be a dead meat like them Char-Siews hanging behind those Chinese Stalls' glass windows. How the hell can I still be random at this time.

The mother and my number one fan (my sister), left for KK at 4 something yesterday. Having a number one fan like Jessy my sissy, can be unproductive sometimes. For each and every word that comes from my mouth is considered a joke or sarcasm. If any of you watched E!'s Diorrhhea video, you'll probably be very estranged to it as I was. Mummy got hooked on the infectious lyrics.

Mum: I have a bad case of Diorrh…

s-t-u-p-i-d

Yesterday (it's 25th the sacred Christmas Day by the way) at exactly this time around, I felt stupid, idiotic, useless, angry, confused, dissapointed, retarded, basically everything which resembles stupidity in all forms. I felt like giving up, and just conform to those Jacqkie jokes that I get too often, internalized it in my brain and just blardy freaking live with it!

Have I told you that there are Proffession Jokes, Christian Jokes, Family Jokes and just plain Jacqkie jokes? If I start compiling all the stupidness I've done since baby, it'll be thicker than those religious books I bet.

I wanted not to cry. Trust me, I really did. I was trying so hard holding it back but dwelling upon it too much didn't helped and it just felt so comfortable to cry then and there with sweets wrapping his arms around me. I couldn't help but pity sweets for putting up with dating an idiot like me, but loved him more for forcing himself being so understanding of the world renown fact…

of this week

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I just got back from Singapore, and yes everyone’s home, safe and sound, one piece.

Unfortunately, not all of me; I lost my handphone.

It may sound funny when it happened to you for the second time, but it's no more funny when it happened to you for the 18th billion times. Really, I'm so disappointed at myself, it's seriously unacceptable.

Well, this is what happened:

We reached Singapore's Immigration at about 3pm. I was woken up by my sis, everyone was rushing down to go get all the immigration needs done, I waited for everyone to get down and I was the last one to leave the bus. I was in a rush myself, and wasn't sure whether the bus will fetch us back later from the immigration to the final stop (Beach Road). The American girl sitting next to us left her sweater and I took it with me all the way, chasing after her so that I can give it back to her. I carried it along the way, and passed it to her when I saw her. Ironically, I saved someone’s belonging and left mine…

Two days!

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I cant believe Christmas is just around the corner. Usually at this time around, I would already be all jumpy and excited for Christmas but it's somewhat dull this year. I know that my Chrismassy mood would escalate drastically when I meet up with my family, so now, I'm just waiting for my reasons of living to come down to KL and will spend lots of quality time with them. I miss them, terribly. I really do.
Oh if you're wondering why I have all these funny Christmas images, I have one thing to share with you guys. I personally think Christian/ Christmas jokes and humors are the best. Not the racist jokes, or those proffesion mockings, but Christian jokes yo! I can actually google for it everyday and laugh by myself reading or looking at those pictures, I know, I can be very lifeless at times. If you remember any part of my previous posts where I talked about my health, just so you know, things actually got worst. My knee caps would be in pain on a regular basis and my whole…

5 days to go!

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It felt just yesterday that I was on my first day of my internship and now left 16 days till I’ll leave this place. The other end of this realization would be that college is starting soon as well. I’m not sure whether I’m thrilled for college as this will be the last semester of our diploma. Some of my friends will be leaving to other places and some may stopped from diploma and would start working immediately.

The point is, once a thing’s started (last semester), you’d definitely be a step closer to the end of having anymore classes together that you loved and hated those days of working together. Regardless, if it wasn’t because of my classmates, I would not have gotten the taste of what college really is and really loved it. And Daren would be the other reason of getting excited going to college of course with my hipocracy explained as I used to swore to myself to never "like" anyone from the same college. and then, he happened. Just like that, without warning.

Wednesday (…

I'm so excited!

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Everytime I'm in the car with mummy, we would never miss this conversation:

Me: *singing to the music* You can stay under my umbrel..
Mummy: *switches channel*
Me: ....I'm singing to it.
Mummy: *..found Lite FM* Wohoo, this is more my music.
Me: But it's old.
Mummy: Which part of me looks young to you?
Me: .....
Mummy: It's my car, it's my petrol, and i'm paying for lunch later. So enjoy my music!
Me: But, meh*, It's weirdlah. Somehow all the birds can sing and all the guys want to cross over the valley just to see the girl. *sigh*
Mummy: *trying hard not to laugh* Hey, it's my car okayy!

However, right now, I'm so obsessed with Lite FM. I couldn't get enough of Lite FM. I used to think they play really slow music, only for those who've been in this world long enough to know all the music, and of course *makes yawning gesture*. I've succumb to Lite FM for pure relaxation and old memories. Although I admit sometimes I absolutely have no clue who tho…

Get to know what it feels like

Remember this?

"They pushed themselves around and played with each other's hair. Both wearing simple shirts and trousers. Whispering of things i'd not want to know. She was skinny, short-haired, with thick glasses. Acnes covered most of his face, he has short undefined haircut, and was smiling amusingly, which I assume at his appreciated jokes.

They seem so.. happy? trouble-free? i'd say in love. Puppy love. The really fun puppy love. It never failed to make me smile. It was like a scene I visualized from a book I read, a young couple pleased with each other's companion more than anything in the world. It was everything they thought they needed. Looking at them, love seems so believable and innocent.
I was lost in my thoughts after seeing the young lovebirds. The only thing I remember was asking myself;

.......What. The Hell. Am I. Looking. For. In Them?"
August 24, 2007
CLICK HERE to read the complete post
It isn't about me now. Or us. I'm writing down my …

things on my mind

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The Rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).
4. Let them know they've been tagged.

#1:
I have this thing with Pregnant Women; I find them no-competition beautiful. I think it's the mother's glow and the sweetness they have on their face- despite the fact that pregnancy can be a bitch. Or maybe the inner strength, that somehow only I can see. Strange? I know. I have this slight excitement for expecting mothers everytime I see them browsing through those little people's wardrobe. Super cute, and NO, it's not cause I want them myself. I'm good now, thanks.

#2:
I am allergic to modified cars. Or at least, my eyes are. I'm talking huge spoilers, freaky moaning-dinasour sounds from that tiny pipe, out of place stripes, and just plain confusing exterior decoration. And the PIMP-ish humping car as well, I'm too plain to imagi…

I'm not obsessed with work. But,

Personal relationships are never meant to be publicized. The new media can be an arse-hole mode of communication. Whatever you said or wrote can bite you right back on your ass. Some uncivilized lifeless beings that read your blog might use the explicit info they know about you- against you. Like he always say, "you'd never know baby, you'd never know!" Whatever I typed today may come from the bottom of my heart today, and not tomorrow's, but what matters is, it is bottom-from-my-heart special, and I must recognize it.

Some of my friends have been incredibly amazing to their other half. They'd wait for them from the train station and sending and picking them up using public transportation is, sweet.

I was in awe and spoke about it to him when I realized, that's exactly what he's been doing all this while. He's been kind enough to come all the way from college (of course not that farlah! but still) to see me every evening- and never complained about …

weekend people, weekend!

Never have i felt so desperate for the weekend until yesterday. I hate working life. I really really do. The fact that you get paid after 30 days of working your donkey ass off- drew things worst.

I am not ready for the working life. I really am not...

Something is really wrong with my body. I have been coughing and sneezing for the past two weeks now. I'm fluish, and I get major headaches once in a while. I have occasional abdomenal cramps which can be disturbingly painful at times. I couldn't sleep well most of the nights because of all these body pain and had to wake up early for work :(

Met up with Kerry, Sway, Audrey and Denise last Thursday. I love you and I miss you guys so much. Thanks for meeting up with me last Thursday. Although I was really half dead after a day's work, but everything was worth it, really.

I've been trying (very hard, believe me) to avoid cold drinks and anything sweet! But of course, i failed. I could've said no to the Long Island Teas an…

Penang!

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Penang was a last minute thing. Nevertheless, I had so much fun, especially because it was exactly after finals. I was in desperate need of a vacation and of course lots of Penang food. A part of me felt like poking my arm with the chopsticks for not having any of my Penang friends' numbers to bring me out, but the bigger part of me felt surprisingly proud of myself for touring the town with Rapid Penang- only!

Hey darn awesomelarh Rapid Penang. It’s like, no matter how much you want to get lost around town (not that I want toolarh) ; you can still see Rapid Penang buses every few seconds!

I really must compliment the Penang drivers too. They were giving me ways like I was some celebrity or even a walking ambulance, really. I'm scared of automobiles, I would usually wait for all the cars to move and when I realized the next car is about a million kilometer away from me- then I would walk! Thank you- you really patient generous Penang drivers!

We went to Penang Hill the first day,…

Internship

12th November 2007 (First day of Intern)

X: Hey, I'm Peeetteeerh.
Me: ........... *had on a thinking face*
X: ....? :)
Me: Did you just say PIZZA?
X: Hahahaha. Peterlah!
Me: OMG. I got freaked out for a second there.

What an excellent first impression Jacqkie. Let them know how blur you can be! *slapshead*

This is the third day of working in Mesiniaga. It has been super slow and very unproductive. I hope by today I can embark on the internal research already. Seriously, these two days were as boring as these sentences you just read.

Life's been great, with Daren by my side; my fragile blood-pumping organ is beating crazily again.

I'm pretty spoilt here. I get coffees every few hours, my other intern friend is feeding me chocolates every morning, my colleagues are seriously nice and lovable, and at most time, all I had to do is sit in front of the computer and browse Facebook. In two months time, I’ll be a huge-arse internet addict.

Wait, I shall be busy by the end of this week. So I…

:)

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Ques: What do you call a one week old inseparable couple?

Ans:A Daren and A Jacqkie.

I know this is just the beginning of everything. And dang it, right now, it's seriously the most beautiful, exciting and comfortable state I've been in- I admit. What scares me would be the thoughts of unforseen bumpy road ahead. I freaking know it's normal for a "One-Man Woman" like me to feel that way, that it blardy annoys myself sometimes.

I should give him and myself some slack and not to think too much and to just selflessly drown in-love with each other's company and affection for the time being, because well, that's all that matters. To know and love each other more and more by the second until that big fat wall of challenges grow and then maybe rethink what I just blogged today.

I think he's going to kill me for putting up the pic, either that, or he'll love me more for declaring to the world how obviously happy I am spending most of the days this week with h…

If you really want to know

(very very personal)

I have a presentation that gloomy Monday morning. I was half awake when I reach college and all I wanted to do when I entered the class was to present my work and go back home and sleep in. Me and some of my friends were introduced to him personally that noon. I reached home hardly remembering anything that happened that day, and passed out on my bed till 9pm. I was that tired and my life was that boring.

That was the core element of yesterday's "affair". I’d say saying ‘yes’ yesterday was the deadliest stunt in the past two years of my solitary days, knowing the fact that the other gender rarely gets my attention or, affection.

I know I owe you and even myself a long explanation. It felt just yesterday I messaged him about my Sabah trip and right now I’m already his other half. I admit on having the occasional Tom, Dick and Harry messaging me for dates and chats, but he made me entertain him in ways that I knew, he’s somewhat special.

We're closer t…

Grins

Dear Jacqkie,

OMG.

What the heck happened to your Black Hat when it comes to this matter?
Stop smiling and blardy throw that grin away everytime before you sleep will you?! ..it's only been 18days. 18 blardy freaking days and you're gone? You better remind yourself this is entirely your call.

You better know what you're doing. and dont blame anyone if things would sucked.

This is all you. Get Calyn- ready shall you need that brutal remarks.

Love,
Jacqueline Rowena Jinuin Jimin

We're strange creatures

The previous post might be in a happier note.

..NOT, this one.

I was very much happy about everything until I talked to someone in MSN about it. (Yes, it was with YOU- girl). I'm not blaming you for sure, I'm just now suddenly worried and confused. or rather, concerned of things that were brought up.

Re. to my title, women are strange creatures. Really!

We can feel so many emotions at the same time, it can be tiring and very much confusing. We tend to allow our emotions take control of our actions or even our expressions on things. But then again, we have so many things going on within us, we dont know which one to take charge of. We assume what we're doing is right. And when we're not sure, we contradict ourself. Again and again. And again... When in the end, we're still unsure of whether we're doing is right or..

Honestly speaking, I cant even begin to explain what the heck I'm feeling right now. It's so ambiguos. I know I feel something, and that's wh…

Smiles

Of course I expect something. Something out of all these.

Will I be crushed into pieces if none of these things become fruitful? Honestly- I would, more than into pieces I guess. I've never really entertained anyone this much for the past two years.

Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. SMILES.

..and yes, Mazidah, Kerry, Denise, Audrey, Sway, Paul and Carol. It's HIM i'm talking about.

That's what he gave me.

Love,
Jacqkie.

I want to pack my whole family to KL

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Abang: Do you know that there are two types of drinks?
Me: *makes interested fake face* ...what.
Abang: I'll take Kopi for example. Kopi kurang-manis and kopi....
KENCING MANIS! Hahahahahahahahaha!
Me: *trying hard not to laugh* ....God, you actually make sense.

*** Me: Mummy, I burned my tongue last night during Steamboat! Mummy: Okayla bah tuh. You have something to remember it about. Me: -.-" *** Me: Jessy, I cant see clearly in the rain. We're gonnaaaa dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Jessy: You better dont kill us. I haven't eaten Abang's Steamboat yet.
Me: -.-"

***
If you ever thought I'm a funny girl, maybe through my blog or even knowing me personally, you should really, really meet my family.

My mummy, brother and sissy are like the funniest people around and I just can't get enough of them. Seriously. I'd wake up early in the morning just so that I could spend more time with them and sleep early in the morning just to see them sleep first.

Although I admit I feel li…

I wont tell anyone

I want to blog about this one particular thing that's been bothering me but I feel restricted and frankly, I am scared.

The truth is, I am very much afraid of people seeing my vulnerability or worst actually understanding it. Especially when it comes to this matter. I hate it. I'd crawl back to my bed at 3AM in the morning, poke her- pour it to the one person that knows me inside and out without even listening or looking at me, my sister, instead of trusting this therapy- that I thought sometimes would work.

"I saw you blush lah Jacqkie."
"...Noooo. Urm, I don't know lah Ika."
"Body language don't lie okay. I think that fella is stupid for not being able to figure that out."
"...BUT. I was the one thatmade him not being able to figure it out."
"...whatever it is. Not until you'll regret it."

Interpersonal communication gives me more assurance and realistic companionship. I know you agree with me on this.

The thing is, whate…

Sway's Birthday!

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I am never going back KL.

Obviously that's one really big fat in-denial lie. I must say life has been rather sweet lately. Especially since I step down from that plane to see my sister and mummy waving at me.

Sorry for delaying this post dear Sway. We went to Atrium that day to celebrate Sway's 19th birthday with no intention to get her drunk or even, tipsy. (Okay- Maybe I had that at the back of my mind)

I dont think she's ever gotten tipsy as well, right Sway? But OMG i tell you it was so hillarious when she was tipsy! If I could, I would relive that moment over and over and over again. It's just really. so . funny.
Blurry Pic- Carol, Sway (Birthday Girl), Audrey, Me, Kerry and Caroline. Started already lah.. I am never sure whether Sway's drunk or it's just her sometimes :DPreetys.
Raya this year is not healthy. I've been feeding myself with tons of (DAMN-YOU) good food. Someone should stop me and even worst, my brother. That boy can eat man! And I cannot b…

Not nice to meet you.

..and I thought I was ignorant.

some people are just unforgivable when it comes to their ignorance. It's frustrating to know that after all that i'm still like that bug on the wall. dude, are you serious?What about the rest? Are you seriously like blind and deaf when you're talking to these people? I suggest the next time you talk to other people the least you could do is pretend you know them, or maybe write down their name on a piece of paper. Seriously. That pisses me off. After all that we've gone through, you do what you do best again: ignore. Enjoy your temporary wind-breeze when all those ants behind you carried you all along.

I'm not surprise if you dont make it far or maybe, disliked by your colleagues that knows you're oh-so-fake. I forgave you that's for sure, I guess you just need to hit it rock-bottom.

On a lighter note.

Things I should really-really internalize in my brain:

a) Hand-cuff your hands and get away from the computer and books for a-whi…

Hypocrite talking!

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I'm a hypocrite.

I like having a great time with my girlfriends and friends in the club or any parties but I can’t allow myself to "find" men from there. Why?

I will make some brutal assumptions/ judgements so bear with me.

I hate the fact that they're asking girls for numbers just because the atmosphere (or drinks) can make them to. I hate the fact that these people live and breathe entertainment or cigarettes just for that night, while scouting for girls who are just as lonelier as they are on the inside. I hate the fact it's them who decide whose hot and who's not. I hate the fact that maybe; just maybe their other half is not there with them knowing that they’re doing all these. And what's worst, I hate the fact that there will always be someone like me amongst them, but because of the place he's in, I stereotyped all of them alike.

I’d scoot free myself with these assumptions of myself by myself in the name of fun. How unfair of me.

…And there I am in…

Mummy's Day!

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..yes, mummy's birthday is two days after my birthday. Every year I self-proclaim- that I am my mum's best birthday gift ever. Mummy would always make this puking sounds and re-tell us the story where because of me she was stuck in the hospital with this reddish living thing (me! me! me!) which I assume, confirms to the statement that I AM without a doubt her best birthday gift ever. *grins*

As the mummy's girl I am, mummy always want to know what I'm doing for my birthday or I’d tell her what I’ve been up to. How I'd celebrate it far from home and without she wishing it to me directly any more and calling me the birthday girl on my day. I miss it!

She sent me an MMS of her cutting a cake today. And I got very emotional after that.

From the fact that I'm not there to celebrate with her to some random thoughts of complicated "them" in my life to my internship to calyn's gift for me (which is a pair of Bonita earrings btw), I got so emotional in the bu…

ME day!

Some suggested your annual day is the day:

a) you should get youself wasted
b) you should get "dis-flowered" or maybe, just maybe
c) dump that pest who've been clinging on to you the past few months (I'd say must be because of the first reason)

I, on the other hand believe that a happy day like your birth-day, should always be spent with the people you love. wasted or not wasted.

It's 2.18am now, so technically my day is officially over. I woke up at 6.10 early in the morning to find tons of messages and missed calls. Ignored it, I smiled by myself and warned myself: that the entire day is entirely up to me and gave my reflection on the mirror a wink*.

Going to a communication symposium on your birthday, spending around 4-5 hours listening to these communication experts "discussing", which I assumed not in English (some of it was WAY too intellectual for me), I admit, it almost killed me. Okay maybe notlar, maybe almost carried me to some very-very-very happy…

weirdness

I just find out something disturbing today.

screw that. my weekend's not gonna be ruined because of it. no no, i still like him, it's just that i dont see him that much nowadays.

psst. if I could, I would avoid celebrities y'know, but since meeting and talking to them is sort of in the nature of my career, I kind-a have to. they can either melt you or dissapoint you. in my case, it's the inability to stop thinking about him. shit. shit. shit. and it's not Razif for goodness sake.

I sat there listening to my mp3 trying to ignore the whole world like i always do. I identified my college-mates but they were talking to each other and they didn't even gave me a glance. The train came, and I got in. Them too.

30 minutes later.

All of them were around 15cm from me. I could feel one of them breathing behind me. Gosh. How ironic it is when you see them in college and you dont even know they exist, but there you are standing together in an intimate proximity laughing at the s…

One Night With Phunk

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Life has been extremely busy this week. If i could close my eyes and force my self to rest my head, I can still visualize those moments where I was practically running around and carrying things, and I could actually listen; every part of my body moaning in pain. I kesian my body u know. Since Project Phunk is finally over and I can now tilt my head and rest, I have to say I have learnt alot of things these couple of weeks:

a) If i were given a chance, I dont think I ever want to be a celebrity. Even not being famous!

b) I find people who stick to their religion "rules and teachings" very... irresistible!

c) I dont think i'm going for attraction anymore. Somehow personality always makes me smile first. *blushes*

d) I dont think I want to like my crush anymore, he seems so Friend-ish. So single it is?

e) Rude people should be vacuumed from this Earth. I just feel like shoving my foot to their mouth and wish they'll go dumb and deaf, while I'm at it. *makes irritated…