Saturday, December 30, 2006

The year that was.

This year has been a rollercoaster ride for me, and i must admit that i'm not saying this for myself only,but for everyone else too for sure.

The Flashback:

January:
- I finished SPM about a month before, what do you expect? My partying life was just about to begin and let me tell you it has been awesome! I hang out a lot, party alot, clubbed alot, karaokeing alot, you name it all those recreations or whatever you call it i did it almost, nope, not every weekends, but almost everyday. Let's just say, i think i was kinda kebaruan with all the extra time i got after spm. Teheee!
- My infamous ex boyfriend went for PLKN. Well, i was pretty much inseparable with him for 10months until PLKN separated us. The painful breakup was pretty much expected by my friends and my sister (very much) and that's why they chose to be there for me instead of giving me advices or girl power talk. Thank You girls. ;)
- I started working! Hooray! and guess where? not any boutiques or small shops but McDonalds! Dear gosh, i became behind the scene girl and do alot of things that i could never
imagine doing it. Who would've thought? Even my mum thought i would not last a day, but naaah i lasted for almost 2months. Yeah! Being a McDonalds' crew isn't as glamourous as it looked like, i smelled like burgers, sexually harrasted, met awesome friends, met awful friends, pretended i like the customers eventhough i got yelled and screamed at and looked like crap when i'm so tired for almost 2months. ...Only God knows how i felt.

February:
- I was getting ready for college. Despite the fact that i was in science stream and knowing that everyone will ALWAYS look up on those "high-status" carriers like, doctors, chemist, bio-tech (whatever it is) or some marine-biologist (is it), i told my mum that it's not what i like and i'm not doing any of it. She was surprised with my honest confession and agreed to go with what I want. Thus i decided to take Public Relations in Taylor's College. Thanks mummy.

March:
- College. It was pretty much what i expected and more. I was homesick for about a month, especially when my sister calls me. It was awful. Slowly, i began to appreciate the unlimited freedom i have there and began to concentrate on my studies too.
- SPM results. Ouch! it wasnt that bad and it was not good either. I got 3A1s, 6Bs and 1 C5.
I know what you wanna ask, and it's Biology that i got C5. Surprisingly, i did well for Biology in my trial SPM but not in the real one? Well, cursing my heart out wont make me get C5 for Biology right?

April:
- College. And a scandal that i didn't tell anyone. It wasn't really a scandal, it was just suppose not to happen. He was so inlove with me and i lied to some people saying i'm not. But i was in a way. And hoping that he would be with me was awfully ridiculous. Not at that time though, it looked it was about to happen. but i manage to say No and get back to earth. I bet everyone has been a sucker at times like this, so please dont judge me.

May:
- I finished my very fast 2months semester and went back to KK for holiday. It was a bittersweet holiday. I couldnt elaborate more on what actually happend but what i can tell you he scared the hell out of me. He kinda abducted me and forced me to do things i didn't want to. I was petrified but i couldn't do anything because well, it's a really long story. All i can say is, i won't to talk to him anymore because he scared the hell out of me. I thought these things happen only in movies, however there i was experiencing the horror.
- My dating life began this holiday where i took the time to just chill with anyone that asked me out and maybe get to know them better. It was nice, and i met some really nice people. ;)

June:
- BANGKOK! Wohoo, it was so much fun! the language, the people, the food, the culture, the shopping malls, the prices, the markets, the girls, the other girls, the boys!, the transportation, the night life, the zoos, everything was just so awesome. I bought a lot of things from Bangkok because it's soooo cheap there, you can't help but be the ultimate shopper there. I'm serious! The transvestites (did i spell it correctly?) in my personal opinion are the 8th world wonders. They look 100x times better than some women (that includes me) and their spirit and drive to be what and who they want just amazes me. The acceptance of the transvestites in Thailand is unbelievably inspiring and so against my religion if you may ask, hehe. I do not what to say but wow.

July:
- end of holiday. College. again. This semester was really tough. I had to burn the midnight oil, concentrate real hard in class, take part in alot of things, attended some functions and stayed in library alot.

August:
- Nothing awesome. Just classes and alot of assignments. One of the sweetest project i've ever done was eyeDEA. It was an optical company (am i saying it the right way?) we built with a community project we had to do. We had to figure out the wheres,whens, whys, whos of this project. It was awesome. our marks. 27.5/30! *smiles* I felt like a profesional when presenting the project! well, just felt like it. hehe.

September:
- Genting. I had to temankan my cousins and friends to genting. Plus, i didnt want to miss out the fun. hehe. i skipped a class. don't worry i'm a nerdy when it comes to studies so i promise i'll try not to do it again. Hehe. Anyway, it was awesome. i dont wait for people when i go on those rides, and that's exactly what i did. i forced my cousins, but... well, you know. Negative response.

October:
- My awesome birthday. I was thinking to myself which cake i should buy for me to eat on my own (i'm afraid no one remembers it) when my room was ambushed by my housemates and roomates with a cake on their hand. I couldn't believe my eyes but somehow i thank them a million times and gave them the warmest hugs to show thanks. wow, people do remember and some people really do care about me eh? aawww.
- The next day, well the actual BIRTH-day. i didnt tell anyone and somehow some people remembered it and wished me personally. it was really sweet. we were about to finish a class when my friends sang me birthday song with a small bun and one candle on it. It was a surprise thingy and it was a very pleasent surprise indeed. It was so sweet, everyone was treating me like a baby that day, i need not to pay for my food, i got free transportation, free hugs!, free kisses!, free drinks.. everything. It was my first time ever celebrating birthday far from home, and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. In fact, it wasn't bad at all. It was the sweetest! ;)
- Prom! My first ever college prom. It was a really fun night but stressful before the party began. We got lost, we had fights and we had to walk quite far with high heels and dress. Dang!

November:
- sem 2 ends. After ending the 2nd semester, it was as if like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulder. It was such a huge relief and i Thank God i ended it well. .
- Holiday!!! i dont wait for people to bring me out, i'll go look for fun myself. As a result? lots of parties, karaokes, meeting lots of new people (that i cannot remember their name, SORRY ;{) and sleepovers and lots and lots of hang outs. I went to Klang for the first time and had a great Bak Kut Teh. LOVE IT.
-Moving out. I have officially moved out from my Taylor's College's Hostel ; Redzuan Condominium. I decided to stay with my cousins despite the fact that it's farther from college than Redzuan. is because i get to save more money ( i go to my cousin's place for weekend mass) every week and it's more of a home to me, eventhough redzuan is just 3minutes away from Sunway. uhu.

December:
- Parties/ Clubs- Need i say more?

- Results. 3As and 2Bs. GPA 3.6.
- THE BIGGEST SECRET EVER, REVEALED!!! it was the most shocking most unbelievable most craziest most are-you-for-real secret ever!! i don't know how to handle it, and it is true that you can change your attitude towards a person/thing when you know something about them. and i'm trying not to be like that. Unbelievable. that's all i have to say.
-more dates, how can you say no to them? :)




its as if only 20% of what really happend this year in my life is in this post. The rest of it? Let's
just say MOST things are better left unsaid. ;)

love,
Jacqkie

Thursday, December 28, 2006

My mum bought a new scanner/ printer/ photocopier last month thus i decided to test it today. Well, since most of the pictures from my photo albums in home were back when digital cams were not yet invented, i decided to choose these gorgeoous memorable old pictures for your viewing.
Me and Abang enjoying the sea of Pulau Manukan!
You cannot blame me for the pose, i was a kid!
First day of Kindergarten.
I've been a smiling machine ever since i was born. *giggles*

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Someone's going to get hurt...

Why did i ever came across with the sweetest most nicest guy ever while i'm in KK? i know someone's going to get hurt, if it's not me then it's definitely going to be him.

I was hoping this holiday i wouldn't meet anyone nice and most importantly someone I'm attracted to. Somehow, it happened. He popped into my life just like that, without no warning no nothing.

he makes me feel special, he makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes me shy and he makes me like him more and more each day everytime i talk to him. I get all nervous when i talk to him on the phone, and my sister knows best- when i'm smiling and blushing on the phone(which is rare) i definitely has the hots for the caller.

Surprisingly, not any of these had happen to me for the whole of this year while i was in KL.

I've had only one major crush this year and even that- has no positive progress.


but can you imagine someone i noticed, noticed me too among others? who is willing to waste so much credit and time to get to know me? someone who's very humble that it makes me feel nice and simple when i talk to him? someone who's so caring that if there's a day he didn't call me, i would feel something's wrong? someone who's just there, all the time especially when i need a company? someone who has the kindest and most generous smile? someone who thinks i'm pretty without my any makeup? hihi.

His existence could be a wonderful thing or a painful experience.

And it's up to me to decide which one i want.


but who am i kidding, long distance relationships had never worked for me, and what makes me think that this one will? *sigh*


very Sad,
Jacqkie.

Monday, December 25, 2006



Love,
jacqkie.
Today's christmas and i've been pretty much loving the love i've got from all the people around me. I must say, not spending christmas with my brother is rather quite sad though. My christmas would be absolutely perfect if he's around. Nevertheless, this christmas is just as beautiful as i've wished it to be. I get to hang around with my family especially with my sister, i get to eat home cook meals (especially my mum's spaghetti) and catched up with all of my friends whom i stumbled upon in church.

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done?
...A year has gone by, a new one has just begun.
Have a merry little christmas, i hope you have fun.. "
- Yoko Ono & John Lennon.


With simple lyrics, i find this song very meaningful. It made me realize that i had done my best for this whole year and hopefully i can do better in the coming year. Regretting things are pointless and a waste of time but learning from it is beautiful and humbling.

To be honest, i never really had any christmas wish list. Everything that's been given to me be it weird, ugly or even very expensive i'll love it very-very much as the thought that only matters to me. * before you puke, no, i really mean it*
I've always thought and knew that my brother is an angel. I personally think that he's everyone around him's angel. I guess i never was really proved right until last christmas.

**He reached KK international Airport carrying a few plastic bags. I was curious and asked him what's inside all these bags.. with a smile he said " presents for me, from my friends."

I went jawdropped for a few seconds as i realized that there was so many presents!! So many. I could only be amazed at the wrappings, the size of the presents, the cards, everything..

As soon as we reached home, he placed all the presents around the xmas tree.

I know it's a bit lame of me to do this, but i counted the xmas presents he got, and it was almost 30 if i'm not mistaken. I was shocked, pleased and proud at the same time.
Some were handmade, some gorgeous and some i can tell very expensive.

I knew that my brother has been a very wonderful friend to all of these people, because then it explains all the wonderful presents and christmas cards he got. He was delighted i can tell and he even told me stories on why he got presents from this particular people and it was very inspiring.

My christmas has definitely been about enjoying the time with my family.
Regardless of how much time we had left, or where we've been the whole year, or what we've been doing, it's about coming back to where you came from and remembering the things you have done for other people old and new and share it with your family.

It's about celebrating the achievements you've achieved with the ones who've been there pushing you to where you are now and giving them a happy christmas just as much as they hoped the same thing from you.
It's about forgetting what you want and give your loved ones what they wished instead.

It's about loving your loved ones and be loved in return, and be thankful -if you haven't for the whole year.
..And family doesn't really mean your real moms and dads. Some kids are not as fortunate as me to have a great family, be it the people who loved you. That's family.

Have a Merry Christmas friends!

Love,
Jacqkie.

Mummy!

Jessie showing off one of her presents from our cousin!

*too bad i took only two pics..*

Saturday, December 23, 2006

if i could turn back time, i would go back to this afternoon. that very specific moment.

I made great friends with this one kid. I love her so much and so did she. everytime i meet her up she'll definitely have lots of things to tell me, she'll drag me everywhere and even advise me on some things in life. I must say, she's an intelligent, sweet and kind-hearted young girl.

I guess it has been a year or so since i last saw her.

I missed her so much, and knowing that she has family problems now wont make it any easier for us to meet up. I did cry once when i knew about her family problem, because it broke my heart to know that such young bright girl like her had to go through all that. I promised myself that if i ever would meet her up, i would hug her as hard as i can and talk to her like we always do.

** I was walking down the stairs, when i saw her sister was walking while talking to another girl. I stopped in front of everyone, and my eyes wandered around looking around them if my young friend was there,...and there she was walking with a smile on her face( she has a VERY beautiful smile, no kidding) while talking to her sis.

My heart tells me to run and grab her but my mind says, later.. she's spending time with her sis.

i decided to tegur her later after she's had her lunch as i saw her going towards a restaurant, and it was a stupid stupid decision i made.

after a couple of minutes, i went back to the restaurant, and went nuts when i saw she was no longer there. i forced myself to control from bursting into tears and decided to stay at one place, just in case we would come across each other again.

But, we didn't.

I waited for her for one hour, walking around, looking everywhere but still, there was no sign of her.. not even her sis and the other girl.

i couldn't help but blame myself for the waiting, and i didn't want to leave the spot as i'm afraid she might pass by there as soon as i leave, ..so many thoughts running through my mind...

eventually i left the place when my mum called me to meet her up and it's time to go home.
i was really dissapointed. i was still searching for her though on the way to meet up with my mum, i didn't wana give up. there's still chance for me to meet her again..

All i wanted was to know how she's doing, to see her smile again, to make her laugh again and if possible to get a hug from her.
It would mean the world to me.. unfortunately i only get few seconds glimpse of her.

I don't know if she'll still remember me when she has already grown up but my only hope is that she will still do remember me..and keep our friendship.


Hoping,
jacqkie.

Friday, December 22, 2006


christmas presents anyone?

My family has this christmas tradition whereby each of us have to buy presents for each other, better if we use our own money.

That means i must buy 3 presents; one for mummy, one for sisy and one for abang. We'd open our christmas presents after the christmas eve mass (that usually ends after 12am or exactly at 12am) with muffins, cakes, biscuits and hot drinks to keep us awake. And every year i have trouble looking for presents for mum and abang.


Why? because they want expensive, creative and useful things to them. They don't demand it of course, it's just there in their expression, you know?


My sister on the other hand would either pretend she loved her presents or smile sympathetically at the gifts but thank us endlessly later. one other reason why i love her sooo much..


Just like every year, me and my sister would help each other to figure out what to buy for mum.

We list down all the possible gifts (useful, creative or expensive items of course) we would want to give to mum.. same this year.


the list for this year:

a) Mousse- Need i say more?

b) Selendang- she burned one of her's the other day.

c) The face mask; the jerebu one? - My mum talks alot. ..what? it's creative and VERY useful to us. *giggles* it was really on the list though.

d) Pantyhose- her favourite thing to buy when she goes out. you know, for collection?

e) Hair dryer- i believe one of use could get electrocuted someday because of our current hair dryer. It's old and coverless. daym!

f) Sugar free chocolates- it's sugar free!

g) Home slippers- she bought her own every year.. awww.


*hahahahahahahaha*


After careful thought, we decided to buy her the selendang and the hair dryer.

very beautiful selendang and a very cool (with multiple functions) hair dryer.


see,

we do love her, so very very much. ;)


Love,

Jacqkie.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Jessie on the Left, Ingrid on the right.
Me on the Left, Jessie on the right. i LOVE this slide!
L-R: Stephie, Ingrid and Me.
( Notice that Stephie dares to show some skin! and the other two......
...well we have more flesh la katakan) haha!

Somehow, this pic looks really lame, but we're just lovin the pool man!
p/s: it's as if Jessie didn't want to take pic with me. ;P

Mind the leg and my squinting eyes.. ergh, the other two look gorgeous though.
Check out the Red Shirt! Gembiranyaa...?
..i guess they're happy? ;) haha.



*yawns* I'm So tired.



Wednesday, December 20, 2006

can u make friends with a stranger?
...what ever it is, I did.

i personally believe that it is very much impossible to make friends with a stranger. Or at least i thought he was...

An unknown number called me the other day looking for Reni (or anything that sounds like this name), and i laughed at him saying "Salah nombor". After the call, he messaged me saying that he was so sorry of the mistake he made and even mention "God Bless and Take Care".
Usually, i would not reply messages from any random guy like this case, but somehow, i did.

One SMS lead to another, and i realize there was kindness and sweetness in his messages. I told wen and ingrid about it and they told me something which i thought was very true...

"Duh, everyone will be very nice in SMS, plus, i bet someone's playing a prank on you girl".

i know they were right.

That's exactly why i stopped talking to the stranger. Everytime he calls me, i would not pick up his calls and i even lied to him that i don't have anymore credit to reply him. Which is quite ridiculous because even his calls i did not answer.

There's obviously no good explanation to that except for "i really don't want to talk to you-so please stop calling" right?

... i feel really really bad.

But then, he is a stranger for goodness sake so why should i feel bad? For all we know he might be a rapist, a killer or some psycho (dear God, please forgive me for judging people) right?

i know i can never really make friends with any stranger, that's why i feel like he isn't a stranger after all?
It's as if someone(him) i knew was trying to play me around using his "experience" with me.
...or maybe i'm just being too much here?



What i'm trying to say is, where's that line between a stranger and a non stranger? and how do you know and identify? it's ambiguous to me.

p/s: anyone of you that knows this guy or you are that guy that plays the prank on me, admit it!

i wont hurt u...

i'll just kill u fast. ;)

Love,
jacqkie..

Sunday, December 17, 2006

My friends are the best, look at them, they can eat all the food me and ingrid prepared!


L-R : Michelle, Yen Ling, Nadiah I, Nadia Y and Ingrid. * where are the rest?*
This is my so-called MTV room, it's my favourite place to lepak with my friends and cousins.
Everything happens here. ...herm, that doesnt sound right.
I just realized the people in two of the pics i posted are the same! haha.
Where are my other friends when i took the pictures? Daym!

-Where can i ever get friends that eat the way they eat and laze the way they laze?

Thank God for them!

Love,

Jacqkie.



My house's christmas tree! My sister and I decorated it, though it wasn't that easy because the tree was the hard-plastic type. We had to use some special xmas decos.
Nevertheless, putting it up with my sis was absolutely what i've wished for!
* despite the fact that we had arguments all the way while decorating it*
The result is beautiful to us, because, somehow, we did it together.

This is one of my favourite deco in my house. It's actually the baby Jesus' crib. i've got a big house, with expensive furnitures and lots and lots of decorations, but still, this small crib is my favourite of all. It makes me smile everytime i see it.


Friday, December 15, 2006

Not one more akwardness.. please!

i thought he could be a good new friend. you know just a good friend, until.. i found out about the feelings and i guess ya'll know what i mean..

After today, i could not look at him straight in the eyes, because the akwardness is just too much..
i cant really speak to him, i cant really laugh when i'm around him, after last night, i told jessie that something is just weird about him.. or maybe just towards me?

And as usual my sister would say, " Jangan perasan bah Kie! Eish. "

And as usual i would say, " Yala-yala."

but no, i was right.
My sister was grossed out for a moment just now, when she knew about it and told me she would do anything (as much as she couldla) so that i wont feel akward around him anymore..

First of all, yes i do feel really bad for doing this to him, we were good friends before and when i knew he had other plans for us, i thought it would be better for us, or maybe me(just me) if i dont be too close too him anymore. You know, like pulling myself away from him, slowly...?

Shit. I feel bad. i do!

Most guys would prefer girls to be straight forward to them, and tell them they wouldnt have the chance at all, but trust me, it's REALLY hard to do that!!!!!

Note for the day, I can't be the mean-straight-forward-honest girl when it comes boys. and no girl should be... ( exception for relationships and so-called serious attachments).


Hate me if you must, but i couldn't do anything about it. *sighs*


p/s: remember the guy i said super cute in church? well, guess what? He's now in a TV show!!

Love,
Jacqkie.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The last time I had a good swim probably was about a year ago. Man, I miss pool water sooo much! Today was just soooo awesome, including the fact that I rode the slides.

And yes, if you have really known me, it’s not that surprising to know that I’m the naughty little daredevil that likes to ride all crazy rides and in this case those dangerous, sloppy, curvy slides in the group. Yes, pelik but benar.

Those who joined in today; Bayen, Ika, Arthur, Dodo, Ingrid, Rowena and honey, Ernest and later Leander and honey and Jude.

I got sunburned, although it wasn’t really that bad, considering we were in the pool since 12pm. (I chose the time though. And yes, I do know who actually would want to swim at 12pm right?) Super sorry people!

I must say I’s rather impressed with myself that I managed to convince Ingrid (believe me, she’s a tough one) to go on those slides...

Me: Ingrid, cepatlah naik, teda papa tuh!
Ingrid: Tida mau! Sia takut bah! Nanti teda orang sambut!
Me: ada tuh, jangan ko risau, best bah tu slide Ingrid!
Ingrid: Tida mau! Tida mau!
Me: Okay, nanti ko menyesal lepas ko balik macam mana? At least ko ada try kan?
Ingrid: *considering- while putting one leg in*
Me: Cepatlah, sia suru dorang sambut. (Although I know no one’s gonna sambut her down there). Nanti ko menyesal tuh. Tengok, sia tida mati pun kan?
Ingrid: herm, okayla… *on the slide... *

I was looking for Ingrid wanting to know how her slide ride was… when I saw she has already went up to the stairs to go for another slide ride.


* Laughing to myself- ...I think I just got my answer! *




Note for the day, try people! Try!

Love,
Jacqkie

Wednesday, December 06, 2006


i'm so in the mood for christmas!
To all the xmas "grinchs", meet me up...
and i'll give u a LONG lecture on why we should love xmas!
* haha!*
it was quite boring last night. I met new people. As we all know, it is extremely hard to remember people's name when they are introduced to you especially if u are in a bar or pub. (except, if they are good lookingla).

I had a couple of drinks and nah, it didn't really put me in any mood or anything.
I was enjoying the music and the funny crowd though.
I was impressed by this one guy, i think he's a tourist, he danced and workin it out without the slightest bit of shame! He went for the robot moves, the Moon walk.. etc etc *salutes*

Unfortunately, he wasn't that lucky enough to be able to attract girls to dance with him.
All of the girls turned him down.
* Tahan ketawa*


Anyhoo,
i enjoyed the after-club/party. we had drinks in Foh Sang and this guy (drunk, of course) killed me with his unconcious words/ jokes/songs. *giggles*

The guy: (with an English slang) ermm what is this? This is not a table this a plastic table ey..
Referring to the table that is extremely flexible. it makes me wonder too.
**

The guy: ..*singing Elvis' song*

**

The guy: ..i want to kencing in the parit.. can i?
One of us: Don't bah. so embarassing. they don't even understand u..
The guy: ...aku mau kancing di parit.. buli bahkan.. tida kana saman kaitu..



Man, it feels so good to be home.

Love,
Jacqkie.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006



I finished the book Exes Anonymous by Lauren Henderson in a week. (Image on Top) If I must rate it, I would rate it 3/5 stars. I have a feeling the book is made for 15 year olds (darn it) because the use of English in this book was rather simple and the description was not vivid enough. The sexs and conflicts scenes were left to the reader’s imagination. No stimulating languages. ...What?

Fortunately, the story line and the plot of this book are rather quite interesting. I didn’t say it was on top of the world interesting, I just find it quite interesting. You know donut interesting.

A story about a girl who’s been dumped by her so-called love of her life. After the break-up, she basically could not think about anything else, but her ex and their wonderful memories. Not days not weeks but for months!!!!


*To all my girlfriends reading this, don’t be like this. Seek help.


The book shows and explain how ugly and awful it looks like to be addicted to your ex. It's as if like you don't have a life. * i second that*

I find it so stupid of her to get stuck in that position, to get addicted to her ex that much for so long. I just couldn’t understand why she would let herself be drowned in her pool of tears knowing that it’s impossible she would get back with her ex. It’s foolish.

After reading the book, slowly I realized that I was once stuck in that position. Man, it reminded me how awful it felt.

It was not after the relationship, it was during it and it was much more deadly. Realizing that I was once addicted to my ex and hoping a lot from him and became too dependent on him disgusted me. Shit! The addiction wasn’t as long as few months, it was just for weeks and I believed that I realized it was sort of feeling-kind-of-quick-sand and I finally have outgrown from it.

I thank God that I did not hit rock bottom that’s why when I broke up I find it quite easy to bounce back and felt at ease to go out with anyone again. It was as if I knew about this book before I even read it. I did not want to be like Rebecca hell no, I never wanted to be the one controlled, attached and manipulated in the relationship. Never.

Okay, so I admitted I was once addicted to my ex but that does not mean I can not live without them during that time, it was just those thoughts of whether they were thinking of me, what they are doing and everything about them was in my head every single second. I wasn’t thinking about myself at that time, I was thinking about him only. I can live, but with him in mind.

After reading the book, I realized too I am a very strong person. Stronger than the girl in this book. Rebecca. I knew that I was addicted to my ex, I wasn’t in denial and I find ways. I hang with people to occupy myself and to stop myself from thinking about my ex every second-everyday. And it was blissfully brilliant of me. I get out from my addiction without anyone ever knowing I was in one. Phew!

Now, I realize I’m stronger than any man I’ve ever met. No one could melt me as much as I could. I totally understand it. If I would fall in love, it is because I let it happen, not anyone else. If I would say no, it would mean no. if I would say yes it should mean yes.

But then again,

Love is so unpredictable that sometimes I don’t understand what I’m doing, for what and how it happened. Sometimes I just got to follow the flow, and it kills me if it doesn’t go my way. I wish a nice guy would just pop in my life without me worrying and thinking too much. Oh dear, this book has definitely made me thinking.
Damn!

Love,

Jacqkie.